Freelancer's Lament

2009-12-10T09:45:00.002-05:00

2009-11-05T12:15:00.001-05:00

Interior Design for the Recession

2009-07-17T19:48:00.006-05:00

Well, I've been absent working on my latest hare-brain scheme–this one a website that's a fun, humorous series illustrating my interior design philosophy Smartass Ideas For the Home. I'm not actually interested in maintaining this blog. I just using the site to shop around this idea for a column. But since it went live yesterday it's already enjoying nice about of exciting feedback from the media. I have ten full installments ready to follow.

Check it out. You already wasted some time here. Sorry about that.

In Memoriam; My Brilliant Career (1985-2009)

2009-05-17T17:52:00.029-05:00

NEW YORK – In a brief statement released over the weekend, I finally pulled the plug on my promising, yet ultimately, mediocre career. According to experts (my art rep and my accountant), my career has been in a steady decline for quite some time and it was time to throw-in-the-towel. Things took a turn for the worse Tuesday when Spanky’s Diner took my cartoon from the Reader’s Digest website for their place-mats. Typical of the many ways my work has an intrinsic value of zero now and how I’ve gotten screwed over in recent years. I think I summed it up best with my simple two-word press release which stated; “It’s over.”

Corner of the actual place-mat from Spanky's in Hazelton, Pennsylvania sent to me by a friend who lives in that area. The owner says he will continue to steal my cartoons but has offered me a free dinner.

Early Years

My first taste of occupational rejection was my high school paper. Despite no encouragement from the school paper or my guidance counselor, I decided to go to art school following the advise of the one person I trusted at the time, Father Guido Sarducci.

I attended Cooper Union for three hours before transferring to Pratt Institute and later went to F.I.T. (Fashion Institute Technology) to snap out of a dating slump and enjoy a more favorable woman-to-man ratio. But I continued being shunned from school papers well into college and began even sending submissions to other school newspapers as well.

As a little kid I used oil crayons & dyes and drew photo-realistically.

By college I decided I would stop drawing realistically for good. This early piece on cardboard is only 3” x 8”.

At Pratt Institute I finally had teachers happy with my work. They talked to my parents about leaving school and trying to go pro. Conversely, my parents insisted I stay and get a Masters and teach (I didn't get a Masters. But I did teach for years at Pratt & S.V.A.).

Anyhoo, I did the sensible thing and as a sophomore I decided to start from scratch and taught myself to draw lefty. Plus this new style would use no traditional implements. I used sticks found on the ground. I unlearned everything I knew. I remember this going over like a fart in church. Seeing this for the first time in a long time I thinking, "Wow, this is really crap."

I returned to oil crayons but with my new primitive style. All work was executed in a few minutes. This was the piece mentioned below for a contest and went on display at the Smithsonian. The entries had to illustrate charity.

1984 © Bob Eckstein

New York Times magazine

Big Break

As a junior in college I won an illustration contest with the drawing above. The prize was a full page in The New York Times magazine and it convinced me that I was on track with this drawing lefty business. An underground fanzine called, ironically, The Bob took a liking to me.

I was paid (or rather thanked) in records by ’80s new wave groups groups like Let’s Active and Echo & the Bunnymen.

My first job out of school was the Time’s Book Review. My relationship with The Gray Lady would last another 25 years...sadly ending yesterday with my last piece for them. I created this post because as part of their unfortunate budget cuts as of a few hours ago, I knew this was the end for me. But I am very grateful to worked for them this long! An honor.

The top piece was about how poets spoke to each other and the other drawing is on secret identities. (All the work here can be enlarged by clicking on them.)

Detail of a piece for The Village Voice where I later also worked as a sports reporter for short time...for reasons no one knows.

1991 © Bob Eckstein All rights reserved.

When the first computers came around I was convinced by a high school buddy that one day people would work on them. So I set-up one of the first websites ever. Of course, only pioneers ever saw it–nobody had computers yet. Starting over yet again, I learned to draw on the Mac. I threw out my art supplies and have been paperless since. My friend went on to be a leader in Silicon Valley and is very wealthy for inventing video-conferencing. This was for Entertainment Weekly, I think, when Pee Wee was arrested in a porn theater.

Wow Moment

While eloping in Reykjavik I saw this Icelandic cartoon below that caught my eye and would become a revelation for me. While I never did find out the translation of the punch-line, it spoke to me and I knew then-and-there that I wanted to switch away from illustration and join the ranks of professional cartoonists.

The last cartoon Spy magazine ever published. At this point I was called the Andy Dick of publishing for being quite the jinx. Too frequently I was the last cartoonist to run a cartoon before the place went under.

© The New Yorker Collection 2007

Bob Eckstein from cartoonbank.com.

The first cartoon I pitched the New Yorker.

Low Points

My journey in freelancing has been a long one but I would just like to add that, if given the chance to do it all over again, today I would be in pharmaceutical sales. There were so many bad moments it's hard to narrow it down to the top ten but here's three that come to mind;

1) Kobe Earthquake. Well, I really never made it big in my homeland, but I was big in Japan, for awhile at least...that is until the 1995 Kobe earthquake. It flattened my agent and her office (my portfolio was never recovered from the rumble). This was one of dozens of covers I did there where large department stores have their own magazines. Top illustrators are celebrities, appearing in fashion layouts and such. I would get paid alot just for an interview. After the earthquake, nothing.

2) Mickey Mantle's death. This one was a real kick in the family jewels. I was just about to fulfill a childhood fantasy, the cover of Sports Illustrated–the job was right up my alley, too–and create two parody football teams, designing their logos. S.I. loved what I came up with and a company quickly manufactured the helmets for the cover. The night before it went to press Mickey Mantle passed away and bumped me off the cover. The $3,000 kill fee was a tiny fraction of what I was to get. It would have been the last time artwork was ever used for an S.I. cover.

The Mick. Pretty bad week for both of us.

3) In later years I went into denial as print media went into it's slow demise. Living in a fantasy world, I began creating make-believe publications for make-believe assignments for myself. This was a scary period for those around me who watched me get excited over jobs that didn't exist. It goes without saying, the checks were make-believe, too.

I would combine bankrupt magazines I worked for to create new ones. I would then provide artwork and pithy editorials. Like this one is a hybrid of National Lampoon and Trader Monthly. At the peak of my creativity (and insanity), I was publishing eighteen titles. Maximum Walking, Popular Working Women, Rosie Digesting, etc. Below is a cartoon which appeared in the last issue of National Harpoon, jinxing yet again another magazine.

Present

I’ve recently agreed to take part in an university study to correct my current negative cash flow situation. It involves testing unapproved skin products and restricting my diet to night plants.

This is just until my new vocation as an interior designer takes hold. I've collected a team of creative names forming The Penguins of Madness with the first product being Smartass Ideas For the Home, details of which will also be disclosed here as I am hoping to make it all interactive. I am aboveboard about this declaration and sincerely look forward to this new challenge.

I Found God on Facebook

2009-05-12T21:02:00.013-05:00

To respond to inquiries as to what ever happened to T-Bucket and Snowman...

We found God. On Facebook. We are now doing God's work, getting out the good word. On Facebook.

(click image below to enlarge.)

Open Call to Snowman Fans Everywhere

2009-04-05T21:53:00.002-05:00

Galdalf the Purple by Edgar Garcia

Freelancer's Lament has been on sabbatical the past couple of months due to my snowman book The History of the Snowman being turned into a specular TV Christmas special. Along with writing a script and beginning around-the-clock production, I am also working on my next book all while continuing to do television and radio interviews as a snowman expert (today I was on a daytime talk show in Iowa). While I want to apologize for the lack of snowman updates, but in the long run this non-stop work load will mean big times for the snowman in the near future and reach more people on major television so it's all good. The show will be an one hour documentary geared for adults yet humorous and will include interviews, beautiful animation, historic reenactments and celebrity appearances.

In the meantime, I want to ask all my readers if they have any interesting snowman stories or collections or snowman antiques worthy of inclusion of a special to please share it with me. Please send our story and pictures to snowmanexpert@pipeline.com

Special thanks to Edgar Garcia of Bloomfield, NJ for building and photographing the wonderful Galdalf the Purple.

New Corporate Inspiration Plaques

2009-03-24T10:39:00.004-05:00

Bob Eckstein © 2009
Don't give up!

Interview with New Yorker Cartoonist Liza Donnelly: One Half of a Dream Couple

2009-01-31T10:44:00.019-05:00

It’s almost Valentine’s Day and I was lucky enough to chat with one half of what has to be one the coolest couples there ever was right behind Bradgelina and Sting & Trudie. Michael Maslin and Liza Donnelly both have their beloved cartoons grace the coolest magazine there is and live under the same roof. If that wasn’t romantic enough they just produced a new book together called Cartoon Marriage: Adventures in Love and Matrimony by The New Yorker’s Cartooning Couple (Random House) that’s out now (tired of giving chocolates?) and is found at cartoonmarriagebook.com.

There is probably no one more important female cartoonist today than Liza Donnelly. Aside from the fact she is a New Yorker cartoonist, it was her book Funny Ladies (to a lesser degree her new book Sex and Sensibility: Ten Women Examine the Lunacy of Modern Love) which celebrates and revitalizes the women’s role in the cartooning by documenting it’s history in the context of the only and (sadly) last meaningful venue left in cartooning, The New Yorker.

(I'd like to add also that I am HUGE fans of their work–I have four of their books–and that they are both super nice!)

Bob Eckstein: Do you feel like you carrying the torch for women’s cartooning by being an authority on the subject?
Liza Donnelly: That’s a loaded question. Let me start this whole thing with a caveat: I am not fond of the term women’s cartooning. I am supportive of women who draw cartoons, and am supportive of cartoons that deal with issues that concern women, expose sexism with humor, etc. But I don’t want to ghettoize women, or myself. I am a cartoonist. Not a woman cartoonist. I do want people to notice that women have not been in this business very much, and I would want them to think about that. And not all women are the same, of course, so one has to be careful.

It would be nice to think I am an authority on something! I am perhaps the first person to look critically at the issue of cartoonists that are women at The New Yorker and put it in a book. I became fascinated as to why there are fewer women in cartooning than men, and it led to Funny Ladies. I was one of three women doing cartoons (compared to around a hundred men) at The New Yorker when I started in 1979 (Nurit Karlin, Roz Chast and myself), so I have been aware of the disparity for quite some time. I loved researching Funny Ladies. I spent a year at the New York Public Library immersed in the 20’s, 30’sand 40’s of The New Yorker Archives, reading correspondence between artists and editors. I was also inspired by the work of writer Judith Lee, and her book Defining New Yorker Humor. She has a chapter on cartoonists, and her observations about the women really spurred me on to do the book. I’ve since met her, and have learned that there is a small but growing group of writers who write about women and humor, which I am proud to say includes me now! Another interesting writer is Regina Barecca, who is also a professor at University of Connecticut. It is not a field that has had much attention—humor is rarely taken seriously. Of course Christopher Hitchens wrote a very strange article in Vanity Fair last year about why women aren’t funny. He’s odd. Then Vanity Fair came out with a cover article about funny women several months ago. There are more and more professionally funny women now, but it has been a difficult ride for them, historically. I taught a class on Funny Women at Vassar College last fall. We studied Dorothy Parker, Mae West, Lucille Ball, Lily Tomlin, Zora Neal Hurston, Veronica Geng, to name a few, as well as cartoonists like Helen Hokinson, Barbara Shermund, Nicole Hollander, Jackie Ormes: as well as contemporary mainstream and underground cartoonists. It’s a fascinating field because it really gets at the heart of creativity and personal interactions. Humor is a difficult business, regardless of gender.

BE: You had mentioned to me the name of Trina Robbins, who you consider another leading authority. Could you please share with us a little about her and where we could learn more?
LD: Trina was a practicing a comic artist, and now is a writer about women comic artists. Her specialty is the history of women in comics…comic books, comic strips. She knows a tremendous amount about women who have drawn comics and I’ve used her research and her books to understand that world more fully. Her books are very interesting and informative. One is called, From Girls to Grrzl. Check out Amazon—she has a lot of titles.

The difficult thing about doing books about a group of people—in this case women—is that people then think you are grouping them because they are all alike. When I wrote Funny Ladies, and compiled Sex and Sensibility, my intention was to educate people that there are women who do this, and that their work is not all alike. That said, there is at times a bias in our culture against different types of humor. We tend to laugh at humor that has been “accepted” by the status quo. The status quo traditionally has been male, and women, as different as they all are, can oftentimes draw obliquely. Roz Chast’s work was not universally accepted when she first appeared; now her work is rightfully adored. It took the innovative vision of art editor Lee Lorenz and senior editor William Shawn (who said “How does she know they are cartoons?”) to buy her work. Granted, the number of women actually drawing cartoons is smaller than the number of men, and so the number being bought will naturally be proportionally smaller. Why is it that women haven’t typically gone into cartooning? I think there are a lot of answers to that, not one. The overriding thing is women have not traditionally been encouraged to be funny. That’s changing, but for many years it was not ladylike to crack a joke, and it was not cool to take the spotlight away from a man by being humorous. Humor is powerful. But this is really not so true anymore, and more and more women are going into comedy, cartoons, comics. I think the Internet has a LOT of women cartoonists—I can’t prove it, but I think it’s true. The thing about the Internet is that there are fewer editors, so artists can do what they want. Some of it is not good, but much is.

BE: But I’ve also found that the internet (along with other factors post 9/11) has made the world a sort of open mic. All of a sudden, everyone thinks they’re hilarious. The New Yorker even recognizes this cultural phenomenon running a weekly cartoon caption contest. What are your thoughts on the current comic landscape?
LD: It is a cultural phenomenon, and a lot of people are funny. But as to whether they can translate funny into art, is another matter. The caption contest provides the interactivity so necessary for publishing today, and it allows readers to feel participatory in/with a magazine they feel they “own” because they are long-term subscribers. It also gives them a window into the creative process, and how difficult it can be. These things are good. Where I have concerns is how it is a simplification of an art form; the contest risks making what we do a game, a contest. Rather than a voice from an individual’s perspective. The Internet is important, of course. But I still like magazines, and the somewhat old-fashioned relationship of editor and artist. It's the same thing with writers. The editor is a guide, someone to help the artist reach his or her potential. People who write or draw don't always have someone they can trust to be a sounding board for developing their voice, and that’s where a good editor comes in. Internet publishing is so fast, this sort of relationship is less possible. So we need both set-ups. Of course, I think it is possible on the Internet.

"O.K., everybody, let's eat before the food gets dirty!"

BE: When did you know you wanted to be a cartoonist?
LD: My parents subscribed to The New Yorker, so it was around the house (I have no idea if they read it. Probably not), and my mother loved James Thurber. One day, when I was home sick from school (I was about 8), she gave me a collection of his drawings and a few slips of paper. I traced some of his characters and that was it. I also traced Charles Schultz as a child. Then very soon, I began drawing my own people. It made my mother happy, so I was encouraged to keep drawing funny pictures. The power of mothers! Anyway, my sister was always getting into trouble—real trouble like running-away-from-home trouble—and I wanted to make my mother and father laugh. So the dysfunctional relationship of editor/artist was spawned. I think of my editors as troubled parents (and other cartoonists my delinquent sisters): I’m just trying to get their attention and love.

Seriously, though, I found cartooning great for me because I was a quiet child and loved spending time by myself. I never felt that I totally fit in, and I bet a lot of cartoonists feel that way. We don’t fit in, so we find cartooning to amuse ourselves; and to be a good cartoonist, one has to be able to step outside of society a bit and be an observer. Cartoonists usually are drawn to it as children and never grow out of it (or they never grow up, is another way to put it); the lucky ones get published and can make a living, the unlucky ones probably become axe murderers.

I came of age in Washington DC during Watergate, a rather formative environment for a cartoonist! When I graduated from college, I wanted to be a political cartoonist but didn’t have the acerbic mind then that is necessary for that line of work. Although with age, my mind is becoming acerbic—finally—and I am doing more political cartoons than I did in my earlier years. The New Yorker is a good place where one can be quietly political, and I have sold a number of political cartoons to them over the years. And, happily, I have found a place to regularly publish my political cartoons. It's on the web, wowowow.com. They let me do whatever I want.

"So you're a democrat and you're gotten your way. Now what?"

BE: What was it like the first time you got accepted into The New Yorker?
LD: It was terribly exciting. I was working in the art department at The American Museum of Natural History, which was a great place to work for a while, and the first thing I thought about was quitting my job (I didn't right away). I hadn't been submitting very long, but had wanted to be a New Yorker cartoonist for many, many years. At the time, when you sold a cartoon, you felt you were accepted into the fold. It was understood that you may not sell again for quite a while (and I didn't), but that you had potential and the editors wanted you to stick around and keep trying. Also, many cartoonists started at the magazine by selling an idea, a caption, that would then be given to one of the established older cartoonists. This wasn't the case for me, so of course the narcissist in me interpreted that to mean I was really great. It was forever until I sold another, a multi-panel, almost wordless, cartoon. Many of my cartoons were captionless back then. The third one was a political cartoon about Fritz Mondale, remember him?

The day I sold my first cartoon, Lee Lorenz asked to see me, and I had never met him. I was so nervous, I thought my heart would jump out of my body. I was only 24, the youngest cartoonist (and one of three women, parenthetically) and so green in terms of dealing with anyone in authority. But Lee was very nice, and he still is. Back then, the cartoon editor did not see just anyone. You had to be a "regular". Even after I sold cartoons, I was not invited to go back to the offices on a regular basis. The place had a formal way about it, unlike today. The offices were old and mysterious, and there were ghosts of famous cartoonists and writers in the corners. It had a mystique, or rather I gave it one, perhaps. After I spoke to Lee that day, I went home and did about 50 versions of the cartoon before I decided I had one I liked. Frank Model once said, "You have to draw better than you know how." And I believed him. I still try to draw as if it is effortless.

Around that time, I started going to the regular lunches with cartoonists. There was a Tuesday lunch with the older cartoonists, and the Wednesday lunches with the newcomers, like Jack Zeigler, Mick Stevens, Sam Gross, Dick Cline, Roz Chast, myself and, yes, Bob Mankoff! [the current New Yorker cartoon editor] The lunches were a lot of fun. Often, we would spend the afternoon after lunch playing pool in Tin Pan Alley, or go to a Mets game, or go on the Circle Line. Wednesday was the cartoonists' Friday. We tended to imbibe a fair amount.

BE: Your husband is New Yorker cartoonist, Michael Maslin. You may be in one of the most unusual relationships there is, and to a New Yorker reader, one that sounds idyllic. What is something about the dynamics you share that the average person wouldn’t know?
LD: Michael and I met because of The New Yorker. We live and breath cartoons and The New Yorker—I know, it’s sad. We do have children, but sadly, they take a back seat to the magazine (don’t tell them). That’s a joke, of course (in case they read this). We were both New Yorker cartoonists when we met, and have been married 20 years, so far. We share a love for The New Yorker and the art form of cartoons. Our comedic sensibilities are similar, which probably helps keep us together. Actually, I think it’s simply humor that keeps us together. And, we don't share our regular week's batches. It's too risky—what if the other person hesitates before laughing? Or, God forbid, not laugh at all. Or want to change the caption, or ask what it means. It can crush your week's hopes! This business has so much rejection, one has to protect oneself, even from one's spouse. Michael and I have worked on strips together, which is fun. What I have observed about our working styles is that for cartooning, I am more tuned into the news and current trends; whereas Michael is tuned into his inner humor. He can spend hours just drawing, whereas I can't. I seem to need to do cartoons for a "reason"...not that Michael doesn't. But our ways of getting ideas is subtly different.

BE: And I understand you’re publishing a book together this January called Cartoon Marriage: Adventures in Love and Matrimony by The New Yorker’s Cartooning Couple (Random House)…
LD: It’s each of our cartoons about marriage in a general sense, with all it’s ups and downs, as well as graphic narratives about our life together. We wrote and drew the graphic narratives together, which was a very interesting process to say the least. The one we had the most trouble with was on the subject of fighting. We couldn’t agree on how we fight. But we had a riot with the form since it was a departure for us, in terms of drawing and writing as a team that way. I hope to do more, and I think Michael feels the same way. As a kid, I learned to enjoy reading by reading the early graphic novelist, Crockett Johnson. Everything comes full circle.

BE: Did you consciously decide to write books because you were tired or constrained with just cartooning?
LD: I didn’t consciously decide to turn to writing books, it just evolved naturally. That said, however, I do think as one gets older, it is important to diversify. Once you have your voice, or your style of drawing, it is a springboard for other things. You don’t give up your original love, but one can extend it to other forms, whether those forms involve art or not. Plus, I love studying cartoons and culture, I love working with other cartoonists in the books I’ve edited.

BE: Have you found teaching helpful to your own work?
LD: Yes, I think it has. I started teaching knowing that I needed to find an additional way to find meaning in work. I love knowing the students and what they think—I am in regular touch with people of a different generation, and that keeps my cartoons fresh, I think. I teach in two departments, American Culture and Women's studies, which helps me in that I am reading so many interesting books. Keeps me on my toes. I also taught a class (which I hope they offer again) called Cartoon and Comic Art in America—a wonderful cultural look at cartoons and comics as history and insight into American culture. Another teacher and I designed and taught the class together.

"I didn't protest this war, but I'll try to protest the next one."

BE: So you’ve been focused on American cartooning or have you also examined cartooning on the world forum?
LD: Looking at cartoons and comics as an American phenomena is fascinating and sheds a lot of light on our heritage and what has shaped us as a (wonderful but) flawed society. I spent a year of my high school years living abroad with my family, and it gave me a perspective that I might not have otherwise. I grew up loving cartoons from other countries, particularly because they were often captionless and oblique in their tone. This interest continues today, and I was fortunate enough to be invited to be a founding participant in Cartooning for Peace, an initiative that was launched at the UN a few years ago. It was begun by French cartoonist Plantu, and we have a traveling exhibit that has gone all over the world, and we participate in lectures and talks worldwide. Last month I was in France at the International Cartoon Festival in St. Just, and next year hope to travel to the Cartoon Museum in Israel. It’s so interesting to connect with cartoonists from other countries. The world is so interconnected by the Internet, anyway, images—because of the ease of communication via imagery—only help people and countries further the dialogue. That’s what cartoons are about. Humor and dialogue.

BE: Many at The New Yorker seem pained from the process and pressure one endures getting into the magazine. Are you happy?
LD: I’m very happy. The rejection is very hard to take, but I have so much else going on, I can sort of put it in its place. As long as I am published in The New Yorker every so often, I am very happy. And I want to write and edit many more books.

BE: What would you do instead if I took away your pens?
LD: There are days when I don’t use pens at all. But drawing is so integrated into my being, it’s like it’s just another tool for expression—sometimes I utilize it, sometimes it is not what is needed. They have a new technology now for people who are handicapped: a computer reads your mind and spells words. I hope they are working on the same technology for artists: if I think a cartoon, the computer would draw it. If I could no longer draw, I would go through a period of mourning, maybe some depression, heavy drinking, a spending spree, eat a lot of ice cream. And then continue teaching, speaking, writing; and, if you took away my brushes too, do some finger painting.

If you would like to meet the authors and get an autographed copy, Liza Donnelly and Michael Maslin will be appearing;
Feb 8, 1pm Book Cove, Pawling, NY
Feb 14, 4:30pm Oblong Books, Rhinebeck, NY
Feb 21, 11:00am Merritt Books, Millbrook, NY

MY Last Lecture

2009-01-15T20:28:00.003-05:00

_{The following is an excerpt of my commencement speech made last Friday night at The Hamlin Refrigeration & Air Conditioning Vocational Institute. Although I am NOT terminally ill, in all honesty, I have not been feeling all that great since I would say around the holidays;}

“Class of ’09, congratulations on your achievement which each of you proudly hold in your hands. This will be the last time I address you as your teacher, your friend and fellow human being.

We all have childhood dreams, which I think are the lifeblood of one’s character and fortitude. In reexamination I see that mine have long hit the dust, like melons falling off a flatbed truck on life’s bumpy road. I stand before you now a man in a tail end of a emotionally draining midlife crisis. That said, I’d like to share with you what my childhood dreams were. You are welcome to do with you wish with this information. Here they are in no particular order:

1) Start an Art School for Elephants. I came up with this idea first. In first grade I distinctively remember having aspirations and every intention of one day opening a college so that this great land mammal may explore different disciplines of arts, which included not only painting, but music, sculpture, and dance. Now every well-connected, no-talent elephant with some art supplies is on YouTube, hocking clumsy self-portraits. A missed opportunity and one that I plan to stay bitter about for a while.

2) Be the First Beginner to Win the US. Open. What’s interesting about this is I have not missed a single U.S. tennis championship in the past five years. Granted, I’ve attended as only a spectator but I have accumulated invaluable insight into what distinguishes the pretenders from the contenders. This looks like Rafael Nadal’s year but this spring I begin taking tennis lessons.

3) Invent a Time Machine. When I was a kid, it was a dream of mine to go back in time. Again, it looks like I might have raised the bar too high as not only do I have no progress to report on this front but for the past twenty years it hasn’t even been on my radar. I totally forgot about this probably around the time I realized not everything in comic books was real. I have never in my life even taken a physics class or whatever it is I would need to take to start work on a time machine.

4) Revenge. Too bad about that time machine business, because it kind of went hand-in-hand with my childhood dream #3; kicking the you-know-what out of Johann Sebastian Bach. Ever since I was forced to take violin lessons as a little boy against my will I’ve wanted to travel back in time so that I could give the Baroque composer the beating of his life. I could go on, but what’s the point? It’s all self-explanatory and I have never had closure.

5) Have My Own Remote Island Fully Staffed By Domesticated Monkeys. Originally the intent was to have a tropical island overflowing with Amazon women waiting on me hand and foot but ultimately that vision was tweaked after recognizing how funny it would be having servants who flung feces at each other. This revelation notwithstanding, the bigger question now is what insight have I gained from all of this and taking stock of the shortcomings of my childhood dreams.

What lesson I have learned is this: all of these aspirations have one thing in common—aside from the fact that none of them came to fruition—all childhood dreams, mine, yours…the dreams of regular day-to-day people out there…require one thing for them to blossom. Proper funding. None of mine aforementioned schemes got off the ground because I didn’t have a business plan and some serious dough; the art school for elephants, the time machine and the necessary research that was going to be required the discover such a contraption, the expense of the pro tennis tour and employing coaches, advisers, etc., even the island chock-full of monkeys; feeding them, getting them shots or whatever…all projects with expenses which quickly add up.

Fate has brought us all here together in this very special room, the Hamlin Refrigeration & Air Conditioning Vocational Institute Auditorium…a distinction and drive that will catapult us all to realize each of our own special childhood dreams. Let’s stop blaming the economy. There comes a time in everyone’s life when opportunity knocks. For us in the unforgiving refrigeration and air conditioning repair business our ship has finally come in. It’s the mother of all breaks and it’s called the S.S. Global Warming. I am imploring the graduating class of 2009 to answer that door and seize the moment. The dream lives on. Congratulations and good luck making the most of your certificate. Good night.”

Merry Christmas

2008-12-23T09:29:00.005-05:00

Have a great holidays everyone!

(sorry, they haven't been more posts of late. But I'm digging through all the snowman entries for the next snowman contest and hope to post them between Christmas and New Year's. I still have not returned home from the start of the month due to working on the promotion of The History of the Snowman...Sunday I did a snowman editorial for The New York Post...Today I'm the cover story for Electric City...Christmas, I will be on Good Morning America...Friday I did the Op-Ed for The Daily News...Sunday I have a big piece in The New York Times sports section.)

Are you near Brattleboro, Vermont?

2008-12-12T11:56:00.001-05:00

Special thanks to the Emmy-award winning producer Trevor Crafts, head of FullMind Creative

I'm be in Brattleboro, Vermont Friday giving a snowman presentation. Hope to see you there!
December 12th, Friday;
7 pm SNOWMAN PRESENTATION & SIGNING Brooks Memorial Library 224 Main Street Brattleboro, Vermont (802-251-8195)

Also, please check out the new People magazine. I'm on pg. 60!

As primer there's a cool interview I did with the Authoring Auctioneer.
Or listen to this fun radio spot on WKBK in New Hampshire.

For those interested in signed copies of The History of the Snowman please visit the great bookstore Morningside Books @ Broadway & 114th St.
In the Schenectady Area? The beautiful Open Door bookstore not only has signed copies but the snowman mugs. Click link for hours & directions.

Finally, I wanted to thank everyone writing me compliments on the book.
THANKS!
Plus I wanted to explain to those who wrote me and thought the reviews on the right and below here were funny and thought I was joking that actually the quotes are real;

"Very entertaining!"
– Monty Python's Michael Palin

"Brilliant!"
– Joe Jesselli, Smoking Gun.com

"Best Book of the Season"
– Amazon.com

Ushering in December

2008-11-29T20:57:00.006-05:00

I'm about to begin a book & speaking tour which starts in a few hours as of November 29th (check right column) but have alot of announcements to make. I will leave this post up for awhile with changing news reported on Today's Snowman.

I hope to see many friends I've made online through the book, many who helped me on the book. I want to thank David Giacalone and Laura Lee Linder in particular for making me feel welcome to return to Schenectady in a few days. (Laura was helpful in the actual research of my book, The History of the Snowman and is very involved with The Schenectady County Historical Society and First Reformed Church of Schenectady. She is finishing a DVD on historical Schenectady. Further info on David just posted a generous write-up of my upcoming event and has a very cool website which is a unusual combination of haiku, law stuff and snowman interests. Right, you have to see it to believe it. I was just enjoying a piece about a sexy lawyers calendar!)

One other blog I want to recommend is Snow*Vigate. It's a journal for poetry, flash fiction and many other forms of writing with alot of snow metaphors from the creator, Doug Martin, who is snowman obsessed. "We want to see genres coming together and huddling in a blizzard to keep warm. We want to see verbs slapping the hell out of lazy nouns. We want to see God's syntax in snow. The unconscious is sexy. So are the tails of barnbirds, I am told. The 'snaw-rad' leads here. The 'snaw-rad' loves you." Cool, right?

Finally, I want to recommend some holiday gift ideas, all books.

First up is a must buy for book lovers in the Philadelphia area. Philadelphia Portrait of a City is a beautiful coffee table book by photographer Michael Gadomski;

"The photographs, many of which are double page spreads, takes the viewer on a tour of the city from the lofty heights of City Hall to the waterfront at Penn’s Landing. Several of the city’s important districts are visited including the unique historic district where America’s independence was born, the bohemian South Street, Antique Row, Avenue of the Arts, Society Hill, University Park, and the modern skyscrapers in Center City. The numerous gardens that are found in and around Philadelphia are also visited as well as some of the city’s annual events such as the Flower Show and the Chinese New Year celebration. The book also peeks inside some of the city's famous buildings like the Philadelphia Museum of Art, Independence Hall, The Shops at Two Liberty Place and The Bourse to name just a few."

The book is available through all the online booksellers such as Amazon, Borders, Barnes & Noble and others. You may also purchase personalized autographed copies of the book directly through his website.

The next recommendation is a children's book by Tim Young, an old classmate of mine who, ironically, was scary talented. He did the Penny claymation thing on Pee Wee's show and other stuff, all amazing. I really didn'y know him at Pratt Institute but I reconnected with him thru Facebook and was excited to see this new project a pop-up book called I'm Looking For a Monster. I'm getting it for my nephew for Christmas!

Last, but not least, I throw in this reminder again of my book and that I am doing everything humanly possible to get the word out (did you see the list on the right side?). At around $12 on Amazon, (what a value!) with FULL COLOR INSERTS and over 150 illustrations, many which cost me an arm and leg for permission rights...well, I'll just say – I need to sell about 500,000 copies to see a profit. Let it begin with you. There I said it. I'm groveling.

Snowman Expert Interviwed by Mr. Media on Radio

2008-11-21T18:33:00.002-05:00

Open in your default player

Detach into a separate window

Well, here's the interview...it's all about snowmen and my new snowman book...I was dealing with a bad cold and cough so I may sound a bit funny...but, anyhoo, Mr. Media is very cool and I suggest you visit his site and check out his list of celebrity guests he's interviewed. I've been going through his archives all week listening to the Chris Farley story, getting to know Robert Schimmel and learning alot about the business.

It's in the Air

2008-11-13T12:42:00.006-05:00

Post Mortem

2008-11-09T11:44:00.004-05:00

I Hate Marathons

2008-11-02T10:31:00.005-05:00

For the back story to this cartoon go here.

Small-town Sign-swiping in a Swing State

2008-10-30T08:23:00.003-05:00

The topic of conversation during my travels through the Pennsylvania heartland the past couple of days has been the battle of the election lawn signs. This is nothing new. Just my first hand account from the front-lines.

Last night I stayed in the old stone home of a distinguished academia couple situated predominately on the corner of an intersection in the eastern part of Berks County, where only hours earlier some wild maverick had stolen a large Obama-Biden sign. This ad was worth about $60 in plexiglass and was wired and secured near the front door on a tall pole that requires a ladder. The pole was all that was left from a sign that once belonged to one of the state's oldest pubs dating back about two centuries. Sam upped the ante after a couple of smaller lawn signs had disappeared. That night we kept going over it while Sam contemplated whether or not to contact the police. "When I called four years ago, the police just wanted to know why I was voting for Kerry. What's the point." Someone argued because if it's a brick through the window next time there's a record of cause and motive on record. Someone else reasoned that the action could just motivate revenge. By the second Scotch, Sam and I were re-enforcing stereotypes and blaming NASCAR somehow (I was thinking; "while we're in a war over oil, shouldn't NASCAR drivers be carpooling on the racetrack?"). I thought I solved the whole mess the following morning when I spotted a white and blue sign laying on the ground in the distance. But the sign only said "Christmas Trees Sale."

A couple of hours east, a friend drove me through Fort Washington, Pennsylvania siting which lawns had McCain or Obama signs that had recently mysteriously vanished. Some homes quickly replaced them. We passed a mansion with a billboard size lawn sign for McCain. In the car we all shared stories, quoting racial remarks overheard at auto shops and in supermarkets. I had only one incidence. A guy, my age, asked me who I was voting and countered, "Well, you want the White House filled with jiggies? You're gonna wound up with a congress of blacks."

Before I made this trip, my friend from New York City, we'll call him Joe the Dreamer, stayed with me a couple of days to canvas my Pennsylvanian neighborhood back in the east side of the state. I warned him that my next-door hunters would not welcome him and his Vegan ways. To his credit he went door-to-very-far-apart-door using his VW hippie mobile dressed for his last Burning Man trip, walking past many a McCain sign to chat up the locals. He told me he considered it a real success—I'm not sure if this is because I know he had a cold and he told me he shook alot of hands but I considered it a great success that he returned for dinner alive. Or maybe I'm not giving my neighbors or him enough credit.

My friends from Berks County have decided not to contact the police after-all but their mood improved when I said I would write a little something about their theft. For them this is not all about changing anyone's mind but exercising their freedom of speech and continuing to get the word out that this is going on. I'm not convinced. I think deep down people think they can change people. But nobody is "undecided." This election was determined a long time ago, we just haven't counted up the votes. Stating who we are on our lawns just creates a wedge. Am I a horrible person for thinking our society is not mature enough for all of this? The signs don't work. They just make us worse.

Artist Statement

2008-10-22T17:31:00.005-05:00

Today’s email; 2009 NYFA Artists' Fellowship Applications are due Friday. Application materials must be submitted and postmarked by midnight on the due date of your category.

Dear Jurors of the NYFA Grant Committee,

I would like to respectively apply for a 2009 NYFA Artists' Fellowship to complete my current art performance slated for early 2009. Sadly, this work is currently in danger of not being realized due to a lack of funds.

Since 1978 I have enjoyed a long, lustrous relationship with the New York Foundation of the Arts starting with my first major project (Disability), where I shot myself in the foot. In 1987, I received my second NYFA grant to fund Your Insecurities Are My Broken Limbs, which consisted of me being shoved down a flight of stairs. Finally, thanks to a Pell Grant in 1996, I was triumphantly run-over by a family Winnebago in the critically acclaimed, Run-Over. This lead to a series of happenings I conducted in alternative spaces, executed in front of select art circles where either I was run over or pushed down something. In the new millennium I explored getting stuck in everyday things (most notably; wet cement, a washing machine, retractable ladders) in mundane locations (new pavement, laundromat, fire escape). I am quite proud of this diverse body of work and take seriously my role as a non-traditional artist.

With the successful completion this summer of my of most recent project Downsize, in which my wife of twelve years walked out on me, I have spent the past two months deliberating over my next artistic venture, a spontaneous, yet staged dramatic performance involving burlap bags, a tribal war mask, a gun (again), and a 1998 Saturn hatchback. Heist is my ambitious statement on the current economic collapse and Wall Street’s emotional effect on artists, both consensual and concessional, a logical step from my previous pieces Sweeping Out Water Fountains Under Gloom of Night (2002-04) and Bodega! (2005). Inspired by my own confining experiences of being late with my rent, this event would capture a moment of “role-reversal” toward my current financial institution.Visual and political puns emerge, ingeniously using class, justice and ethics of power with the actual act of robbing a bank. Addressing issues of self-esteem, society restrictions and irony, both apparent and concealed while placing others and myself in great danger (again). Making poor life choices is a reoccurring theme in my work (so says my life coach). Heist would be a natural extension of these ideas, expressing a narrative frame of my life, allowing me to draw from my immense life experiences and expansive anger, and ideally, turning my anti-commercial tendencies into a fortune, that would present new opportunities for me and any future art projects (should I decide to stay in the country).

I ask you to consider and process my request for a NYFA grant briskly as the tenuous time frame for this ongoing piece is February 20th, 2009, the date my unemployment runs out. The location chosen for the event has been the Citibank on 36th St and Avenue of the Americas due to it’s inviting layout and proximity to my current art studio. With proper financial backing of an NYFA Fellowship, I can complete the necessary research and add a qualified henchman, both which will prove paramount to this project’s success. Enclosed in this application are slides illustrating a floor-plan of the aforementioned Citibank and mug-shots of leading candidates to recruit as the driver of the getaway car. The preamble to this performance would be a surprise entrance before proceeding to close off the establishment. At this point my years as an artist being shot at and/or wounded will be instrumental and critical to the complexities I hope to archive during this unscripted progress.

Upon request, I can provide your committee with references from those who would vouch that I would actually go through with this. As with many of my artistic endeavors, revelations will unfold during the course of the project—the one-day performance will be, no doubt, filmed and documented on the bank’s security cameras and receive tremendous media coverage, from both television and print media. Full credit would be given to you—I intend to explicitly state that Heist was made possible thanks to funds from the New York Foundation of the Arts.

Thank you for your time and consideration. I hope that the NYFA council and it’s members appreciate the importance of work like this which expands and invigorates the elastic boundaries of what our society perceives and accepts as art. My resume and character I know speaks for itself and will make yours an easy decision. It goes without saying, that the prestige attached to an NYFA Fellowship would give such a plan creditability and stir excitement among other avant-gardists exploring shady activities, encouraging them to seek support and sponsorship. Your generosity would not only allow this dream to be realized but assure the safety of those involved...both voluntarily and involuntarily.

Joe the Plumber in hot water with the IRS

2008-10-17T00:34:00.001-05:00

The real identity of this man is Samuel J. Wurzelbacher who actually owes the state of Ohio $ 1,200.00 in back taxes for his income. The records on file in the Lucas County court has a tax lien filed on January 26, 2007 and remains unpaid to this date. It's all here.

Market Meltdown

2008-10-10T12:52:00.006-05:00

Is this cartoon about our economy? Iceland's? Global warming?...take your pick.

40 Ways to Happiness

2008-10-05T09:00:00.000-05:00

From management guru (and Freelancer's Lament friend), Lee Silber, is this wonderful list for you freelancers out there. His new book is Rock to Riches. I'm going to leave this up for awhile as there's alot to soak in. Here's an excerpt to the intro for the list in his own words;

"...I sometimes feel like I am just now getting it right. (Hey, forty is the new thirty, right?) I recently had some time to reflect on what I have learned during my forty (and a half) years on this planet. In the past four decades I have had some stunning successes, and struggled at times, too. I often wish I could go back and slap my younger self and then share the life lessons I learned later (the hard way.) Since that isn’t possible, I’ll share some suggestions with you. I came up with the following forty things I wish I knew when I was younger. (I suffered so you don’t have to.)"

1. Practice No Regrets Living. Don’t wait to do the things that you want to do. It seems that the older I get the more complicated things become. It was easier to travel, experiment and take risks when I was younger.

2. People Matter Most. No matter how much money you make or success you have, it’s always more satisfying to share these moments with family and friends.

3. If You Have An Addictive Personality, Pick Something Positive. Yes, “everything in moderation” is good advice, but there are times when a person is so over-the-top-excited about something they will want to jump in with both feet. This is great when it’s something healthy, positive and productive.

4. Don’t Waste Time Worrying About The Past (or The Future). How many minutes have been wasted worrying about things that may—and more likely may not—ever happen. My advice, expect the best but be prepared for the worst. Try not to worry about things you feel guilty about from your past. Either fix them, or forget them.

5. Don’t Worry What Others Think. Peer pressure and the need to fit in don’t just keep kids up at night. Life is so much easier when you live it for yourself, free of the pressure of worrying what others think. Do what YOU want to do.

6. Take Risks When You Are Young. It’s easier to recover from a bad decision when you are younger. It is also true that “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” To try to go beyond what you think is possible and to take some chances is healthy and leads to learning experiences that prove invaluable later in life.

7. Starting Your Own Business Is The Best Way To Get Rich. Yes, real estate and the stock market have made many people wealthy, but building a business is also one of the better ways to create wealth. Plus, there is nothing like being your own boss. I have started five businesses and highly recommend entrepreneurship.

8. Live For Today, But Plan For Tomorrow. Living in the moment is one of the ways to be truly happy. Doing so without any plans or provisions for the future is foolish. Yes, live like there is no tomorrow, but save for the future and take care of yourself physically, too.

9. Your Time Is Your Life. Frittering away hours may seem like no big deal when you are young. However, when you start to realize that you have pissed away a good portion of your life, the concept of time shifts. Your time is your life energy. You have a limited amount to squander. Being more aware of where your time goes and how you spend it is one of the most important life lessons you can learn. Consider that every item you paid for you paid for with a piece of your life. You used up your time (i.e. your life) to earn money for that purchase. Was it worth a piece of your life?

10. Goals Are THE Secret To Success. By now everyone knows that I am passionate about having a plan for your life. I have done this for myself since I was fifteen-years-old. My goal-setting system has evolved from a list of things I want to do to a series of powerful statements, images and feelings about the future I want to create along with a plan to make it happen.

11. See The World When You Have The Chance. Traveling is such a worthwhile thing. I rank it right up there with success of any kind. The ability to take off and get away is one of the most exciting, fulfilling and fun things I have done.

12. Keep Track Of Your Victories. Many people dwell on the things they didn’t do (but wish they did) or things they did (but wish they hadn’t). When you look back at your life, chances are you have done more than you thought you did and made many good decisions. Post your proudest accomplishments in a place where you will see them.

13. Commit To A Lifetime Of Learning. A library card is more valuable than a Mastercard or American Express card in my opinion. It isn’t because I have written eleven books that I believe this. It is a result of all the books I read as I researched my books that I recommend a daily dose of reading—or listening to tapes in your car.

14. A Mentor Can Work Magic. The secret to my success was to find someone who knew all the right moves, all the right people and all the right things and was willing to share. I have had some wonderful mentors who made a huge difference in my life—providing a shortcut on the road to success.

15. Get Your Mid-Life Crisis Over Early. First and foremost, there is no need for one when you are living the life you want to. If you do feel like your life has been a series of compromises and you want to make up for lost time, try to do it early and get it over with quickly.

16. Wait For The Right One. When I hear things like, “Marriage is a lot of hard work” and “Relationships requires constant compromise” I often wonder if these people simply married the wrong person. When you find your soul mate (Read: Best friend and love-of-your-life all rolled into one) being together is simple, satisfying and super easy.

17. Take Care Of Your Stuff. I have always been the guy who did the preventative and required maintenance at the right time—before things broke. Hanging onto items that work well without having to spend money on new ones is one of the ways I have been able to save, travel and take time off.

18. Money Saved Is Money Earned. The secret to “having it all” is to live large on less. Many of the most affluent people I know are very frugal. (Not cheap, but cost-conscious.) They have the best of everything, but they wheeled and dealed to get it for less than full price. Being able to buy what you want without paying full price for it is an art. It’s also a mindset—and one worth working on. It’s not how much you make, it’s how much you keep that counts.

19. Simplify. I was raised by pack rats and I was becoming one, too. I awoke one day (during a move) and starting selling off some of the things that didn’t serve my life any longer. Now that I live in a beach house (with a baby), I have to keep things moving or else they start to stack up and there’s no room for my surfboards. (Wink.)

20. You Need An Outlet For Your Creativity. Playing drums in a cover band was not what I dreamed about when I was a kid. It is, however, the perfect outlet for my creative (and musical) aspirations today. I may never be a rock star, but I can still have a small (very small) sampling of what it’s like. Find some way to express your creativity.

21. Early To Bed (2:00 AM) And Early To Rise. . . I have found that many prolific writers work well into the night. I have also used the early morning hours to get things done. I guess it’s my need to be different (I’m up while the world sleeps) and the need to eliminate distractions that makes 10:00 PM to 2:00 AM the perfect time to work. Find your own prime time and don’t waste it on trivial tasks.

22. Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff. I realized recently that many of the things I have stressed and obsessed about over the years were not worth the time and energy—they simply didn’t matter. It’s easy to get upset and to feel slighted over silly things, it’s far better to just let them go if they won’t matter in a month.

23. Make a Difference. Charity does begin at home and the place to give back first is to your family and friends. There are also a lot of opportunities to make a difference in other areas—whether you give your time, money or share your expertise—this is one of the most rewarding things to do.

24. Brand Yourself Before Someone Else Does. When people hear your name what three things do you want them to think of? I have worked so hard to develop a reputation that I am proud of. I did this by acting as if I were the person I wanted to be and then when I achieved it, I continued to make the tough (right) choices.

25. Things Are Never As Bad As They Seem. Bad things happen to good people. It is the person that is able to put things into the proper perspective that prosper. When you have been through a tough time or two you start to realize that you are more resilient than you thought and no matter what happens, you can, and will, go on.

26. Sometimes You Have To Give Up Good For Great. My mentor said used a baseball analogy to make this point. He said I needed to hit more home runs (think big and take some chances). At the time I was just hitting singles (thinking small and staying safe). It wasn’t until I was willing to give up good for great that things really took off.

27. Give People More Than They Expect. More advice from a mentor. Most people just do enough to get by. It is the person who goes the extra mile and does more than others expected that gets ahead in business and in life.

28. Thank You’s. I have learned that following up and following through is rare. Most people don’t know how to do it, nor do they want to. Sending thank you notes is the perfect follow-up. It is also a classy, thoughtful and appreciated thing to do.

29. Don’t Lend Money—Ever. Enough said.

30. The Best Things In Life Are Free. Sunsets, picnics in the park, walks on the beach and are all priced right—they’re free. The same is true about special occasions and gifts. Sometimes it IS the thought that counts more than the cost.

31. Take Time For Yourself. I was once the kind of person who would create things-to-do lists that were a mile long. It would have taken me months to complete the things on my list. Now I build white space into my list of tasks. It’s almost like I plan for spontaneity. Try leaving some room in your busy life for unexpected things to come your way and take time for yourself.

32. Make Memorable Moments. Some people call me the life of the party, the fun uncle and the person to call when you are feeling down. What I want to create is memorable moments in other people’s lives. It is the same in my own life. I am always trying something new, never allowing myself to get into a rut. I will also stop and take a mental snapshot to burn a particularly pleasant experience deeper into my memory.

33. Take It One Pitch At A Time. I read an article about pitcher Al Leiter who said that the secret to his success was to take it one pitch at a time. He couldn’t change the last pitch or predict what would happen three picthes from now. All he could control, and thus concentrate on, was the pitch he was about to throw. I have used this philosophy for my writing, promoting and presentations. By being present I am able to focus on what’s right in front of me. That kind of clarity is key to overcoming procrastination and fear.

34. Pursue Your Passion. I have had flashes of “everything is right in my world” but many times what I am passionate about is not profitable. I know that I need to “do what I love and the money will follow” but for some reason this is an area I need to work on. Don’t get me wrong, there is a lot right with my life, but what I really want to do (open a retreat center on Kauai) remains out there.

35. Appreciate The Small Things In Life. Many times we wait for the big moments in life to celebrate. There are so many simple things we do daily that are special moments. Some people keep a dairy, others meditate and still others tell their significant other about their day. Try to take note of the small things that make you smile during the day.

36. Don’t Fight Change. I’m old school and was fearful of change—especially new technology. I felt like I was being left behind. Then I figured out I needed to focus not on the technology itself, but on how it could help me reach my goals. This simplified things. Now I go with new developments that serve my goals and not worry about the rest.

37. Don’t Compare Yourself To Others. As a competitive person it’s hard to resist the temptation to see how I stack up against those around me. This is a losing game because some people will consistently have more and trying to catch up to them can leave you deep in debt and cause you to do desperate things. It’s good to strive to be, do and have more but don’t forget to appreciate who you are and what you have.

38. Empathy Is Everything. Seeing (and feeling) things from another person’s perspective is one of the most vital skills you can learn.

39. Find Work You Love So Much You’d (Almost) Do It For Free. Most of my fan mail comes from creative people who hate their day jobs. They are also trapped in those same dreaded jobs because they must make a certain amount to survive. I have found that the freedom of finding work you love—and being able to pursue it—can come from cutting back and living on less. Not having to make as much money means you may be able to do what you truly desire, even if it doesn’t pay top dollar.

40. Figure Out Your Uniqueness And Celebrate It. When I was an Economics major in college I was living a lie. I am, and always will be, an artist. I fought the fact that writing, performing, presenting and creating were my strengths. I would beat myself up because I was bad at math and struggled in science. Now I celebrate my creative self.

Winning Caption

2008-10-03T08:47:00.002-05:00

"Here in Delaware, we literally share a broad maritime border with Spain. So, when Zapatero rears his head, I'll be ready with this magic wand to turn him back! I'm wearing women's underwear! Hello? Is this on?"

That's the winning caption. Congratulations, Yablonowitz (Greg Martin)

Caption Contest II: Revenge of the Republican

2008-10-01T09:38:00.008-05:00

CONTEST CLOSED

Okay, you know the drill. Write the perfect caption for the above cartoon. Both pro-Democrat or pro-Republican punch-lines are eligible. Please send in entries before Thursday’s Vice Presidential debate.

The judges are stand-up comedian Richard Belzer and humorist Lenore Skenazy. Richard is a star on the hit Law & Order and his new book, I Am Not a Cop comes out next week. Lenore is the funniest columnist there is today (Mad, NPR, Daily News, NY Sun), but many of you know her from her TV appearances and as the mom who let her 9-yr old take the subway. Her upcoming new book is called Free Range Kids.

The winner will get a signed copy of my new book, The History of the Snowman (Picked Best Book of the Season by Amazon, it makes a nice holiday gift.).

Good luck…and have fun!

Woooo, It's a Wonderful Life

2008-09-27T17:31:00.004-05:00

Oh, what a lovely economy it is. It means tightening the belt, going to places like CarTalk, that's right I'm cartooning for CarTalk (in exchange for plugs, spark plugs.). I'll be now appearing in Milford magazine, too. I'm waiting to hear back from Women's World Weekly. I'm trying to get in the WWW.

(OK, I'm also in the Time's sports section...cartoon about training for the marathon (best Seinfeld line ever; Kramer, "Oh, I keep forgetting to enter that.")

Winner!

2008-09-26T22:07:00.000-05:00

"My friends, a little straight talk: I do not remember why I'm wearing this costume."

This winning caption as chosen tonight by renown New Yorker cartoonist Michael Maslin and submitted by John Kascht. Congratulations John! Thanks to Michael Maslin, who I'm a big fan of and special thanks to everyone who submitted an entry.

I was not thrilled having to announce one winner. There were so many clever and hilarious captions that deserved to win, many that could have been picked on another day...personally, I didn't even like John's (no, I'm kidding. And I should explain that Michael Maslin did not know any of the posters nor was his decision swayed in any way). Let's do this again sometime!

Captain McCain's Cartoon Caption Contest

2008-09-26T15:29:00.004-05:00

There's an on going cartoon caption contest right at Open Salon until the start of the debate. Go now!

For Anyone in NYC This Weekend

2008-09-25T21:40:00.004-05:00

PHOTO CREDIT: Hélène Binet

If you are in the Columbus Circle area this Saturday and Sunday (27th & 28th), I highly recommend going to The Museum of Arts and Design's grand opening. This is the first time the general public can visit the new building and admission is free (it will be $15 after this weekend).

I was lucky enough to tour the new museum today for it’s premiere and the shows are amazing and the new structure exciting. The best exhibit is on the fifth floor called Second Lives: Remixing the Ordinary featuring work by 50 artists from five continents who create objects comprised of ordinary and everyday articles, like combs and buttons.

Portrait of a Textile Worker
Therese Agnew, 2005
This 10-ft “painting” is really a large quilt made from tens of thousands of fashion labels.

Spoons
Jill Townsley, 2008
This pyramid was created with ten thousand plastic spoons held together with only rubber bands which slowly loosen, allowing the structure to eventually collapse.

The address is 2 Columbus Circle (and that's the subway stop as well). The hours are 10am to 5pm on both days (and expect long lines). Have a great time!

I was granted permission by MAD for use of the photos.

The Party's Over

2008-09-23T09:04:00.002-05:00

Quote of the Week

2008-09-20T12:11:00.003-05:00

"If someone could tell me now what to do with Facebook, I would be really happy." – Chris Davey.

Runner-up; "So here we all are on Facebook. Now what????" – Elan Fleisher

A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man

2008-09-17T19:31:00.001-05:00

John J Savo is a young talented writer and auctioneer from Pennsylvania who just self-published an epic fantasy tome called Lux War: CORONATION, one of a series. I’ve known John for years, initially meeting at his family’s auction gallery (Rebecca's Auction) which I frequented until my house was crammed to the rafters with stuff I had bought. At most auctions the players are dealers planning to resell their crap but I would show up for the entertainment value as much as anything else. John’s very funny and theatrical and this charisma comes out on his popular blog, The Authoring Auctioneer. (Full disclosure, John can be an intimidating figure (he looks like a good-looking Penn of & Teller) Often I would bid on something just because I was scared of him.)

Painting by Carlo Savo

Freelancer’s Lament: I would probably show up more to your auctions if I didn’t feel you would break my legs if I didn’t bid on everything.
John J Savo: Really? Because I'm not much of a leg-breaking kind of guy, even though I am Italian. I'm more of a ball-breaker. I'd much rather smash someone with my wit than with my fists. For me, there's much more satisfaction in making someone feel terrible on the inside than on the outside, like bacterial infection of the stomach lining. Besides, one can't be charged with aggravated assault for a well-executed insult. So I may pick on you if you come to one of my auctions and not buy anything, but let's face it: You can never NOT buy something.

FL: I love the brashness of your blog. You told one reader who wanted to wash your mouth out with soap to go to hell. What’s the worst thing you’ve said or done to someone at your auction?
JJS: I've never really had to do anything terrible to someone during my auctions. I've had to kick a few people out for being unruly or obstinate, but that only happens once in a blue moon when a customer thinks he runs my business, not my family and I. Nine of out ten people are good. It's that 10% that raises my blood pressure. Like the moron that left that comment because he or she had to read the f-word on my blog. "Boo-hoo-hoo.”

FL: Friends whose job it is to perform in front of people for a living always tell me they hate people. We have both said the same to each other, but I think you’re lying. How do you REALLY feel about people, as a group?
JJS: Again, I think most people are just trying to survive. Most people are good, I think. (I still hope, anyway.) The problem is, the assholes get all the attention and so are always on the forefront of society's news coverage. I guess that's a theme of my blog: Point out the absurdity that humanity sometimes displays and make fun of it in the funniest and angriest way I can.

FL: Would you like to continue auctioneering?
JJS: I feel that the auction business is something I was born to do. After all, I grew up in it. But my goal is to constantly improve it. We've come a long way in the past few years. Our quality of merchandise and buyers is getting better with each sale. We're starting to gain some national recognition. So yes, I would like to continue as long as it keeps growing and maturing and remains a challenge. Of course, that falls on me, my brother, and my father. We put a lot of effort and creativity into each of our auctions and more and more people are starting to notice.

FL: What's the worst part of auctioneering?
JJS: The second worst part is of the auction business is the manual labor involved. I don't have a team of lackeys to move the merchandise out of the estates and into my gallery. That duty, all duties, fall on me, my brother, and my father. It's grunt work that involves fighting elements, dirt, and adverse architecture. I can't stand it, but it's a necessary evil. The WORST, top most thing I hate about the auction business? The people who think that we, the Savo Auctioneers, are only at our gallery or at work on auction day. Some think that all the inventory magically appears and sets itself up into neat little rows and vignettes, and that all we have to do is show up and "talk fast."

FL: The best?
JJS: We don't buy the merchandise we sell. We're an auction company. We provide a service. Therefore, we sell on a commission basis. So the best part of the business is when I'm able to sell something for someone and shock the hell out of them. For example, a couple of months ago, we sold a vintage beer can collection for a gentleman. He had no idea the value. The collection consisted of about 250 cans, ranging in age from the late 1930s to the last few years. It was sold as a group. After taking bids from seven people from all over the country, the collection achieved a final selling price of $4,250. The guy who owned the cans almost fell over with joy and amazement after we told him. That's a good feeling, to be able to make someone's day because we did a good job.

FL: Cool story? Can you share another?
JJS: Well, there's always something in an estate that can surprise people. Years ago, we removed the contents of a doctor's estate. Like usual, the executors thought we were crazy, because sometimes gold looks like garbage and garbage looks like gold. People who don't sell in the auction/antique trade are often boggled by the things we take and the things we don't take out of a home. In this particular doctor's house, the surviving family members believed us to be super insane when we took a cadaver's skull and then asked if the rest of the skeleton was somewhere. (You know, it was from one of those skeletons you see propped up in a physician's office all the time.) Unfortunately, only the skull remained. We offered it up for bidding and it brought somewhere around $350.

FL: John, do you have any theatrical background?
JJS: I have a degree in theatre and public speaking, but I haven't been in a play since 2001. It was at that time I found out I have an allergy to divas and primadonnas. So, for health reasons, I had to give it up.

FL: Let’s talk about your new book. In Lux War: CORONATION you create a whole new world— you even provide a glossary s a guide for readers.
JJS: Lux War is a fantasy, but it is a story about the human condition more than it is about magic and armor. It explores the consequences of political greed, genocide, revenge, and love. Yes, love has consequences. The setting—the fantasy part of it—becomes a harmony to the characters. The plot is larger than life, and so the world in which it happens had to be equally large and unique. The characters affect the setting as much as the setting affects the characters. Lux War isn't really about good versus evil. It's more like real life, where all of the players are bad, but a few have some redeeming qualities. Still, the characters draw you in, much like being unable to look away from a really bad car crash.

FL: What type of readers are you hoping to attract?
JJS: My novel is not for children. It is gruesome at times and intelligent in the rest. It was written for adults who enjoy the genre but need some smart drama at the same time.

FL: Did you set goals for yourself as to what the book would or could accomplish?
JJS: I honestly didn't know what to expect with my first one, but I've learned there's a lot of competition out there and it's very difficult to get agents or publishers to look your way. I can empathize though. As an auctioneer, I'm constantly told by people how good their stuff is. However, 8 out of 10 times, it's the same crap that everybody else has. But I'm not one of those 8. I know my novel is like the 2 out of 10 people who actually have something wonderful to sell.

FL: Who were you thinking of (writers-wise) when you wrote the book?
JJS: Well, naturally, I was thinking of Tolkein and all that he accomplished with Lord of the Rings. I didn't look to him for style, but for inspiration. It's funny that I wrote a fantasy, because the three writers that have influenced me the most are Scott Fitzgerald, Ernest Hemingway, and Woody Allen.

FL: Let's mention you do a radio show called "Cash or Trash." You guys are funny together. It’s gotta be a thrill to be doing a radio show with your family. [Sundays, from 3PM to 4PM streamed on www.WILKNEWSRADIO.com] How's that going?
JJS: Great. My father, my brother, and I (the Savo Auctioneers) host the show. We discuss life, humanity, and the auction world (the tagline of AuthoringAuctioneer.com). We do our best to entertain while educating people about the auction business. It's one of the things that has helped improve our business. We've gotten some great merchandise and have met some great people because of it.

FL: Desert Island. What five books are you taking with you?
JJS: Oh, Christ... Umm...
1. The Great Gatsby
2. A Moveable Feast
3. The Seven Percent Solution
4. Hound of the Baskervilles
5. The Lord of the Rings

FL: 5 people you’re bringing with you?
JJS: My wife (or fiancee, whatever you want to say), naturally. I have to pick four more people? I guess it wouldn't matter, because I'd probably just end up killing those other four for their meat.

FL: What’s your life-story in a fortune cookie message?
JJS: "You love ice cream but despise ignorance."

To buy Lux War: CORONATION. For details on Rebecca’s Auction. Enjoy John’s blog.

Appreciating the Small Things in Life

2008-09-12T10:24:00.006-05:00

Stephanie Diani for The New York Times

Sometimes being creative means compromising. Career and life guru Lee Silber recently shared his list of forty items to remember (we'll get back to that list soon with info on his new book). Meanwhile this was #39;

"Find Work You Love So Much You’d (Almost) Do It For Free. Most of my fan mail comes from creative people who hate their day jobs. They are also trapped in those same dreaded jobs because they must make a certain amount to survive. I have found that the freedom of finding work you love—and being able to pursue it—can come from cutting back and living on less. Not having to make as much money means you may be able to do what you truly desire, even if it doesn’t pay top dollar."

Being a freelancer seems to go hand-and-hand now with living smaller and living more green. And it's now in style! That said, here's an amazing slide-show in The New York Times by Bethany Little, please click the above photo. And here's the story she wrote. There was just another grest story in The Times by on tiny homes by Steven Kurutz.

4 Recommendations to Accommodate Your Senses

2008-09-09T14:42:00.008-05:00

Dear Freelancers,
Need to be inspired? Let me recommend going to these four places;

1) The Grady Alexis Gallery will be showing Manhatitlan Codex a collection of artist Felipe Galindo a.k.a. Feggo. The paintings were inspired by Mexican immigration to the U.S. The Meet the Artist Reception is Friday, September 12th, 6 to 9 pm. The show goes on until October 18th. To learn more about Feggo read Freelancer's Lament interview with the man.

2) Spoken word artist, Joe Frank is a genius. "I came upon Joe Frank's work by accident a number of years ago while driving to my home in the Napa Valley late at night. I couldn't believe the originality and sheer brilliance of what I was hearing. From that moment on I became a dedicated Joe Frank fan." – Francis Ford Coppola. He can be heard on the following or free downloads on iTunes by typing in Joe Frank or becoming a member on his website where his past programs are available;

California	KPFA 94.1 FM / KPFB 89.3	Berkeley	Sundays at 9:00 PM

	KDVS 90.3 FM	Davis	Saturdays at 11:00 PM
Colorado	KDUR 91.9 / 93.9 FM	Durango	Sundays at 10:00 PM
	KHEN 106.9 FM	Salida	Tuesdays at 11:00 PM

Illinois	WBEZ 91.5 FM	Chicago	Sundays at 11:00 PM

Massachusetts	WMUA 91.1 FM	Amherst	Tuesdays at 10:00 PM on "Strange Bedfellows"

Montana	KGLT 91.9 FM	Bozeman	Sundays at 9:00 PM

New York	WNYC 820 AM	New York, NY	Sundays at 11:00 PM

Satellite	XM Satellite	Channel 163	Thursdays 11:00 PM (Eastern) 8:00 PM (Pacific)

3) This website has high-quality short stories by new and/or established writers. "Filmmakers, musicians, and other artists are already exploring innovative alternatives to the traditional, top-down models of publication. Now Fictionaut brings the possibilities of the social web to literary writing. Part self-selecting magazine, part community network, Fictionaut is a way for readers to discover new voices and for writers to share their art, gain recognition, and connect with their audience and each other." – Fictionaut

4) For those who want to be more interactive and dive right into the action let me recommend Open Salon. I have some posts there myself; some new and a couple which have appeared here before. I'll be happy to answer any questions about this site as I've been involved there for a while.

So there you go. Here's a photo from Brimfield, Massuchusetts where I was last week. I did a book signing but, fortunately, ran out during the first day...(yeah!)

Report from the US Open

2008-08-30T16:29:00.016-05:00

FLUSHING MEADOWS, N.Y. – There were two hot tickets this month – maybe the only one who attended both the Democratic Convention AND US Open is the band Earth, Wind & Fire, the opening entertainment for both.

For the past 30 years I have watched the Open grow up since it moved in 1978 from the grassy courts of Forest Hills to the USTA National Tennis Center in Flushing Meadows. I spent part of my childhood there before the move–my parents brought me there as a kid as a break from our Bronx apartment beginning as a baby going to the ’69 World’s Fair. It must have been just as crowded then as now. This week the grounds turn into a human traffic jam by noon. I have no idea what it was like in Denver but the wait to stand in front of an empty urinal in Flushing is close to 20 minutes.

Every year it’s my routine to reserve the last weeks of August for the Open to see friends who I will not see any other part of the year. Many have Open relationships – friendships which only exist during this three week period (for real fans the Open begins with the week of qualifying rounds). The court with most memories and drama for me is the food-court. It’s a strip mall at the hub with all human tributaries of the event spilling into it’s plaza. I have bumped into high school teachers, old friends, and enemies of mine. I have fallen in love here, ended relationships here…even got fired here (last year when arguing with my new week-old editor and ex-boss of TimeOut.). It is here that highlights are coupled with low points. In 1980 my closest friend from high school was escorted off the grounds for pinching Chris Evert’s ass when she was signing autographs in the food-court. It was at the food-court that I sat down at an empty table with tennis great Illie Nastase after I saw my hero disgrace himself and get defaulted for taking his shorts off during a dispute with an umpire (“It was an entertaining match, no?”). It was the food-court where I was consoled after I was shellacked in the semis of my last NCAAs (but it was my biggest tennis thrill, playing in Louis Armstrong Stadium). I know this place like the back of my hand–in ‘04 I created the US Open map for Tennis magazine, now run by Chris Evert. My favorite story happened when I was sitting on the top row in a neighboring court. I asked my friend if he knew who was sitting next to him and then explained, “That’s Stan Smith.” My friend got so nervous that he turned to the tennis great and said “I’m a big fan of your sneakers” and then knocked his knapsack off the bleachers, sending it banging down the support beams. I called the move “smooth,” getting a chuckle out of Smith and then we all watched my friend climb down to find his bag.

As usual, I have been spending the past two weeks catching up with old friends, listening to old stories of matches long over but never forgotten. As one friend reminisces of what could have been if he stayed on one more year on the pro tour (careers end with either injury or in his case, an exhaustion of funds), some are still going strong (Terry just won the Bronze in the Senior Olympics at 73). And some just starting out. My neighbor, a 15-yr Russian girl, is a top prospect and is playing here in the juniors).

But the food-court is where the real action is and filled with fresh faces ready to talk tennis;

Tara and Vanessa of Tom’s River, Davis Cup trophy “managers”

Is it true that you never let the trophy out of your sight?

Tara: "I was hired to sleep with the cup!"

The moment I said, “Hey, look , Kathy Griffin!” Tracy Austin’s assistant grabbed my camera away from me.

Jeff owns oil rigs (“a mess of ‘em”) and came to the Open with his bride for their honeymoon.

What do you think about [tennis player] Ashley Harkleroad posing for Playboy?

Jeff: "WHO DID THAT?! SHE HERE?!?"

I regret not sporting Stadium Pal, an eternal catheter that I, ironically and jokingly, endorsed in ’98 as a sports writer.

Everett, CBS

How would you improve the US Open?

“Turn all the cement on the grounds into grass. Tickets would be free but all fans must take of their shoes and have them checked at the door (for a large fee).”

Closure. Everett last year was unwillingly sprayed by an Evian “spritzer.” But as one can see, we can all laugh now over the misunderstanding.

^{(Visitors are not allowed to enter the Open with water bottles that say everything other than Evian.)}

Michael is a professional spritzer by day…off-Broadway director by night.

Gretchen came to root for her friend and swim teammate John from the University of Georgia. John Isner is the 6’9” sensation whose doubles match was the highlight of the day.

What should be done to improve USTA’s youth program?

Polo spokesmodels: "Yes, definitely!"

Polo Ralph Lauren is holding a contest to benefit cancer–$3,000 spending spree if you correctly guess how many balls are in the container.

One of the sideshows of the plaza is the Continental Airlines booth where you can “book” a flight in these airline seats which face the food-court for one-hour intervals.

Below is an informal assessment of the food selections with the help of my friend and guide Ali, a scientist and accomplished 4.5 player who learned tennis and cooking as a boy in Southern France. Selections based on value, price and quality.

2008-08-30T15:09:00.002-05:00

It's been a slow month for snowman news– August often is, but it's now September and things will begin picking up. I will be appearing at the famous Brimfield Flea Market on September 5th & 6th (Friday & Saturday) at the New England Motel field (specifically, field # 102) to sell and sign books (The History of the Snowman)...

My Offensive Cartoons

2008-08-23T15:47:00.005-05:00

I did this cartoon for a client of mine, The Automobile Association of America’s Home & Away magazine on the safety (of SUVs and cell phones). They found it distasteful so I tried selling it to Geico magazine. Not even the cavemen over there found it funny.

About 15 years ago, during a period when the NRA was in the news, I created the anti-gun cartoon below. At the time, seeing Andy Kaufman perform encouraged me to think out of the box. In this case having no punch line or real caption I thought was kind of untraditional.

This was typical of the gimmick cartoons I tried to come up with then. I did a series called Cartoons the Times Would Run If The Times Ran Cartoons (btw, now they do in their magazine). I did one spread for The Village Voice where every cartoon was in Norwegian (because the Winter Olympics at the time were taking place in Norway) about the hot scandal at the time, Tonya Harding and Nancy Kerrigan. The jokes actually worked if you spoke Norwegian. Another project was Cartoons The New Yorker Rejected (this ran in Details magazine before the Rejection Collection–published now ironically by my publisher). Not that I got rejected by The New Yorker. I didn’t even try. Around this time I refused to submit my cartoons to any traditional places.

Why? Subconsciously, I was probably too insecure to compete straight up with professional cartoonists. It was easier to claim I wasn’t interested in the cartoon culture and have zero respect for the field than to play on the even playing ground. I wasn't a failed cartoonist because I wasn't a cartoonist. And no one could say my cartoons were not funny–of course they weren’t, “I wasn’t trying to be funny.”

I didn’t even want anyone to think I was a cartoonist (at parties; “oh, I’m a writer slash [said with hand gesture] illustrator,” or better yet, “I’m a grand-prix racer in Europe.”). If you’re not Charles Schultz or Gary Larson and someone you heard of, saying you’re a cartoonist is like walking around with a sign around your neck that says “I’m broke.”

Only now will I admit I do cartoons for a living. Even my family knows now. Here’s the punch line. Back then I made a good living making cartoons but now that I’ve embraced this occupation, my annual income is a joke. It’s not rocket science. Humor magazines like Spy and National Lampoon have evaporated. The other reasons are boring.

Anyhoo, the hunting cartoon is a parody of sorts to cartoon great Sam Gross (who changed my view of the vocation last year and since talked me into being a New Yorker cartoonist. A lunch that changed my life.). Initially, it was to run in The Village Voice but instead ran in a tiny new wave magazine and then again in a newsletter I produced regarding land preservation in the region and scientific research being done at the Lacawac Sanctuary. After this cartoon ran I received angry letters from my Pennsylvanian neighbors who no doubtedly grew up with hunting as a family tradition. I’m still opposed to hunting but just recreational hunting, hunting for sport or machoism. Hunting for survival and with a purpose is different and I’m currently active addressing our deer population problem. Sadly, culling is currently the only practical solution and more humane than the deer starving.

OK, that’s just depressing. On a positive note, I do have an awarding back-story to the cartoon. It was relayed to me that at a luncheon art directors voted as to what was their favorite cartoon and this hunters cartoon was a serious contender. In this business, you have to take whatever satisfaction you can find…

I'll end this brief slice of my cartooning life with a pie-chart which, unfortunately, sums up everything I know about the business of cartooning.

Interview With Cartoonist Feggo

2008-08-17T20:59:00.001-05:00

Felipe Galindo is a freelancer “extraordinario.” An award-winning cartoonist whose humor is enjoyed worldwide including in La Jornada (Mexico), The International Herald Tribune (Paris), F1-Red Bulletin (Austria), Hauser (Germany), Nebelspalter (Switzerland), The Spectator and Prospect (UK) Ode (Holland) and here in the US in The New Yorker, Mad, Nickelodeon, Reader’s Digest, and The Wall Street Journal. He has received many grants and awards and has been exhibited in over 100 shows including many permanent collections including; The Library of Congress, Washington DC, Benaki Museum, Athens, Greece, Vianden Castle Museum, Luxembourg, Omiya City Hall, Omiya, Japan, Palazzo Comunale Gallery, Foligno, Italy, Palacio dos Aciprestes, Linda-Velha, Portugal, National School of Arts, National University, Mexico City, Wilhem Bush Museum, Hannover, Germany, Museum of Caricature, Warsaw, Poland, The Sammlung Karikaturen Museum, Basel, Switzerland, and various US institutes.

If that wasn’t enough he’s has illustrated four books and has written, directed and animated short films (one of which was an award-winning short animated film about Mexican culture in New York that has been screened at more than 50 international festivals and cultural venues, including the Guggenheim Museum in New York and the Reina Sofia Museum in Madrid).

Freelancer’s Lament: I’m exhausted just glancing at your achievements–and this was edited down. Do you feel like you the struggle is over in your career and you have reached the promised land?
Felipe Galindo: Hey, thanks for the introduction...I guess reaching America was to reach the promised land in terms of opportunity. I promised myself to try to make it here and I’m still trying!

FL: Coincidentally, you spent your honeymoon at Promised Land State Park. It’s located down the street from my house in Pennsylvania. You were born in Cuernavaca Mexico. How long have you been in the United States?
FG: I came here in 1983. My original idea was to be in New York for 6 months...they have been the longest six months of my life! I didn’t know anybody here, so it was like starting a new life from scratch.

I got married in 1987. Promised Land Park is gorgeous in the fall, it was great being surrounded by the colorful trees and the threat of grizzly bears.

FL: Did you always speak English?
FG: I learned basic English in high school, then learned a bit more listening to rock music and reading magazines at the American bookstore in my hometown. Being bilingual is like running 2 software programs in your brain all the time, unfortunately sometimes the computer crashes.

FL: What was your childhood like?
FG: Was? You mean is over?

I was into superheroes, World War II comics and Disney movies (I thought Mr Disney did all the drawings!). I enjoyed spending my afternoons drawing. My family moved constantly due to my father’s job. I remember him desperately trying to make me a professional golf player but I was having more fun doing doodles than hitting the links. I was making money drawing his friends at the 19th hole (I sold my first drawing when I was 7 years old, and published my first cartoon when I was 18).

FL: When did you know you wanted to be a cartoonist?
FG: When I was a kid I had the vague notion I could work at a place like Disney studios but never thought you could make a living as a cartoonist. I studied visual arts in college–painting and public art (there is no school for cartooning). I love art but also humor, so at the same time I was doing my paintings and projects at school, I was doing cartoons and selling them to publications in Mexico. I also came up with a pen name for my cartoons, a tradition among Latin American cartoonists. I compressed my full name, Felipe Galindo Gomez, into Feggo.

I realized I was a real cartoonist after seeing my work published regularly, getting paid for it and having good feedback from the public.

I have never devoted myself exclusively to cartooning. I have many interests, I’m an art and history buff (early in my career I was a graphic researcher for the Mexican National Archives investigating watermarks on documents from the XVI-XIX centuries.). I now work on illustration, comic strips, animation, fine art, and recently public art.

FL: How difficult was it succeeding in a different country?
FG: It was difficult but also incredible rewarding, sometimes even understanding the challenges was a challenge! My major surprise was the process to sell cartoons (sending the batch and wait several weeks or months for a response and/or payment.) I was lucky that soon after I arrived I had a good run with Twilight Zone magazine, they published a section titled “The Way-Out World of Feggo.” Also, most of my cartoons were captionless and I discovered that an additional market for captionless drawings was the editorial illustration field, something that I also pursued. I enjoy the challenge of coming up with an image that reflects the article, sometimes with a 2-hour deadline!

When I was a kid in Mexico, I admired the work of cartoonists like Sam Gross, Gahan Wilson and many others, illustrators like Guy Billout, or animators like Bill Plympton. So to be able to befriend them, being their peer, having lunch with them and listen to their stories is a Mastercard moment, priceless. It’s also fun being part of Mad’s famous contributors “Gang of Idiots.” Another good experience was to be invited by the Ministry of Culture in Greece to attend a week-long workshop for international cartoonists in Athens and Patras. We even had lunch with the Greek president!

FL: What is your favorite cartoon?
FG: I don’t have one particular favorite but I always like my first ones in a publication. My first published cartoon in the US was in Audubon magazine (oddly enough I live now a few blocks from where he used to live and where he is buried, Audubon Terrace). The other is my first one in the New Yorker.

I also like my on-going series of works on paper titled “Manhatitlan”, inspired by Mexican culture in the New York City area, they are not cartoons but humorous works of art (Manhatitlan is a word I coined combining the Algonquin name Manhattan with Tenochtitlan, the Aztecs capital, now Mexico City.)

FL: Many at the New Yorker seem pained from the process and pressure one endures getting into the magazine. What is your side of the story?
FG: I started submitting sporadically soon after I came to NY. I have been doing it more regularly in the past few years, after Bob Mankoff became the cartoon editor. I think he has been more open to use other cartoonists and new humor.

About the pain of submitting… I guess it’s different for everybody. For me it’s a great learning opportunity. And like [Saul] Steinberg said, it’s great calisthenics for the mind.

FL: How come you’re not in the Rejection Collection?
FG: Perhaps I shouldn’t have sent my cartoons in Spanish, I thought the editors would be bilingual by now, ay caramba!

FL: Do you have a philosophy at being successful at cartooning?
FG: I believe you have to feel successful every time you do a cartoon, every time you come up with an idea and put it on paper, even if you don’t sell it. Success lies within the process of making the art. I also think success is a relative concept, I don’t take anything for granted.

FL: What came first, the idea or the drawing?
FG: In my case the idea comes first. The muse can call at odd times–I always carry a sketchbook to write down what the muse tells me, although sometimes the idea gets lost in the translation! I have several notebooks with written ideas ready to be drawn. I love to draw but it takes me quite some time to finish a cartoon.

FL: What projects are you working on now?
FG: Currently I’m working on a new animation that will be shown as part of an exhibition this fall. It’s titled Manhatitlan Codex. It’s part of the project I described earlier. I’ll send you an invite.

FL: Thank you, and I’d like to extend an invite to you and your wife to stay at my home in Pennsylvania this fall. You can revisit Promised Land. One last question! What advice would you give to those who are their own boss?
FG: Don’t yell at yourself if you don’t finish the job, just get up earlier. And give yourself a raise whenever you can! I guess discipline is the word… Excuse me, I have to go procrastinate now.

Kaplan Boxing Archive Surfaces

2008-08-13T15:04:00.005-05:00

Childhood sketch by Muhammad Ali.
Photo: Andrew Henderson/ The New York Times

Boxing's most valuable archive, the infamous Kaplan collection will be preserved at Brooklyn College thanks to my friend David Smith, supervising librarian at the New York Public Library. The 2,600 books, 200,000 rare prints, 790 boxes of newspaper clippings dating from 1890 to 2007, and 300 tapes of fights and interviews is said to be worth about $3 million. The story how David saved this collection is fascinating and typical of his persistence in things he believes in. David was instrumental in my 6-year quest solving my own personal Holy Grail for my book who made the first snowman.

Photo: Andrew Henderson/ The New York Times

Edwards; One Very Good Multi-Tasker

2008-08-11T08:16:00.002-05:00

When will people credit John Edwards for being a darn good multi-tasker. Lost in all of this is the fact Edwards demonstrated one of the most essential presidential skills. I wish I had the energy and ambition to devote time into public service (I recycle), provide for a family (self-centered) or be an adulterer (too lazy). Let's throw Edward's hat back in the ring as a running mate—he gets things done.

Odds & Ends

2008-08-08T20:06:00.006-05:00

• Poll results; Thank you to all who participated on the Freelancer's Lament poll...More than half of the voters make a living freelancing...the numbers showed there's just as many freelancers now as before with just as many in the business longer than twenty years as there are rookies....and most people enjoy being a freelancing and want to continue.

• The joke for the above cartoon is from John Kascht whose work will be on display Sept. 4th to Oct 4th in POLITICS 08 at the Society of Illustration.

• Get Known Now is doing workshops on how to lead workshops. Mostly for coaches, therapists, creative teachers (i.e. voice teachers) and the like.

Interview With Career Expert Lee Silber

2008-08-02T11:11:00.006-05:00

Continuing on the theme of time management, Freelancer's Lament went straight to the man, Lee Silber, best-selling author of numerous books (including audio and "mini-books" meant to sent by email) and life planners. I actually have three of his books in my house and highly recommend them to anyone serious about becoming as proficient and efficient as humanly possible. If we were all married to Lee our careers would be soaring. Since that's not possible this informative interview will have to do.

Freelancer's Lament: Lee, welcome and thank you for letting us pick your brain. Could you please first describe what you do?
Lee Silber: I offer creative solutions for every kind of business problem. I also specialize in helping creative, right-brain thinkers master the left-brain aspects of their business—time management, accounting, planning, promotion, and organizing.

FL: How did you get involved in this business?
LS: I come from a long line of successful entrepreneurs and grew up surrounded by people who worked for themselves. In fact, I opened my first business when I was eleven years-old. I went to my neighbors and offered to repaint and renumber their mailboxes for a fee. Not a bad gig for a summer "job." When I was old enough I moved to Maui and started a design company and was a wholesaler of art supplies. I then turned my passion for surfing into retail stores when my brothers and I opened a chain of surf shops in San Diego. As if this story isn't long enough already, I took everything I knew about business and combined it with my background in the creative arts (I attended art school at night while running my retail business) and wrote a series of books for creative people for Random House. All this led me to what I do today—helping others who want to start and succeed in their own business—[which is the focus of his new book, Rock To Riches: Build Your Business The Rock and Roll Way].

FL: You've produced a regular library of books on personal management; Time Management For The Creative Person, Self-Promotion For The Creative Person, and Organizing From The Right Side of the Brain. What is the function of these books and what will Lamenting readers learn from them?
LS: The thesis behind all of my books is this: We should focus on our strengths—our natural way of doing things—rather than dwell on our weaknesses. This is especially true of most freelancers who tend to be more right-brained—risk-takers, fly-by-the-seat-of-their-pants, divergent thinkers. The problem is we live in a left-brain world where we are forced to focus, play it safe, plan, and be neat and orderly. While these are worthy traits, it may be that no matter how hard a person tries, they will never understand tax code or put everything away at the end of the day. So, why not leave things out that you are still working on if it helps you avoid procrastinating and allows you to juggle ten things at once? Why not turn your day-to-day business plan into a slide show you watch on your computer featuring images, target numbers, and key words? That's why the creative person series of books are so popular. They don't try to change people, but make them better versions of themselves.

FL: What is the biggest reason freelancers are unable to sustain their business?
LS: Small business is about the small things. It may not seem like a big thing to let your marketing efforts go when things are going good. But marketing—just a little every day—has to be on your daily things-to-do list no matter what. It may seem like a small thing when you have a couple of slow paying clients. But it's a big deal when all of a sudden you have your own bills to pay but don't have the money. When you own a freelance business chances are you wear many hats and always have a lot to do. It's also likely a lot of the things you have to do take up most of your time. Don't let the small stuff get in the way of the things that have the potential to make a big impact—proposals, pitches, projects—even if they don't pay off now, you have to get them done.

FL: If you were to provide a punch list for freelancers, what are three tips you would pass along to them?
LS: 1. The new way to land big business is to team up with other freelancers. You can either work together or refer business back and forth, but this is the way to build your business quickly.

2. Get a mentor that has been there, done that, and has all the knowledge you don't. Whether you turn to the Service Core Of Retired Executives (SCORE) or someone in your community, this is your shortcut to business success.

3. The difference between a hobby and a business is your level of commitment. No matter how hard you think you are trying, you can always do more.

FL: What's your mantra?
LS: Do the right thing. This will mean different things to different people, but when you always do the right thing, you don't have guilt, worry, or repercussions.

FL: You have a new book coming out...
LS: If you have ever felt business books were boring (I know I did) and wished you could learn everything there was to know about being an entrepreneur in a quick and interesting way? I know, that's what I thought, too. That's why I wrote Rock To Riches: Build Your Business The Rock and Roll Way. I use rock stars as examples of how to do everything from manage your money to market your business. It's fun to read and readers will learn a lot about rock AND everything about business. It's coming out this fall from Capital Books.

Freelancing Tips 102

2008-07-31T09:50:00.006-05:00

So where do you get the time–the time to promote, create, cultivate, circulate, get your face onto My Space, Facebook everyone you ever glanced at, and still write a book?

You can save time by trying to crack the freelancer's worst addiction, monitoring your rankings (I'm guilty myself and plan to finally practice what I preach.).

Take a break from the Amazon.com rankings, TitleZ, your sitemeter, your blog's google numbers and anything else out there constantly judging us. As a surly bar-b-que chef down in New Orleans once said, "If you're lookin', you're not cookin'."

For more on this subject, see the NY Times article Clearing Up a Blurry Work Life by the blogger of Lifehacker, which you may find helpful.

Freelancing Tips 101

2008-07-28T09:03:00.009-05:00

The above cartoon sums up best why it's still better to freelance (Can you spot the 7 things wrong with that picture?). Here's my little advice;

1) Don't be a dreamer. Anyone who tells you to "$@%& them! Start your own magazine" is an idiot. We've all heard those who tell us to follow our dreams and let nothing get in our way..."Self publish your novel...start your own TV show...blah, blah, blah...[followed by]...that's what I did!" Usually by people blessed with connections through family or lovers and not dealing with the day-to-day pressure of making a living. Sure they're living a dream and as George Carlin said, "That's what dreaming is. Open your eyes." One needs the support of established places to make a serious dent. Yes, self-publish your book, film a show for YouTube, whatever...but as a stepping stone and calling card only to then shop it around to agents, publishing houses, etc. You will have to play my their rules, but it's their stadium. Self-publishing, etc. is keeping the game in your backyard. Yeah, it's your rules but nobody watching. You need clout to get on The Daily Show. Where are you keeping 80,000 copies of Getting Rich With Nobody's Help For Dummies? Plus, there IS a stigma doing it alone that will keep away reviewers and press. It's all unfortunate, but that's the story. I have this argument all the time with those who believe in the DIY route but the numbers simply don't compare. Get an agent, agent gets you a house or studio, house or studio gets you a publicist and all along the way...

2) Be nice. Return phone calls, answer emails, be a good friend, date co-workers (that's right), and don't burn bridges – every connection is an opportunity and, for better or worse, everyone crosses your path again (or talking bad or good about you somewhere). You're like a restaurant, it's word of mouth. At a time when art directors, editors, etc. never have to hire a stranger because everyone knows some freelance whatever looking for work you cannot afford to be difficult. They want to work with people who are nice and...

3) Efficient. Too many think it's best they continue working their assignment into a masterpiece, even if that means missing their deadline. Believe me, every publishing boss, curator, art director or whatever is less concerned to what awards your piece may win and just wants their weekend to begin without a hitch. And the less problems you present to them, the less questions you have, and most important, how timely you finish, the better. Calling every two hours and bombarding their inbox with minutia is not professional.

I'm not accusing anyone of having their head in the clouds or not being nice or efficient, but if I was to think of the three mistakes I see within my particular (and, no doubt, bias) circle these would be it.

4) Create a brand name. Number one thing but last here since you all know it already. Whether you're saying outrageous things, creating marvelous work, inflect an accent, having photos posted with the right people or naked with the wrong people, and/or anything that makes you colorful, it's all branding. Starting with baby steps; creating an immensely popular blog. I recommend three sites; Creative Writing and Blog Tips, seohorror.com for blog branding in layman's terms, and Get Known Now, insider strategies that make you a household name.

Good luck and let me know how it goes.

Saving Your Career

2008-07-24T12:03:00.006-05:00

I find the biggest problem among freelancers is being aware of the volume their counterparts are cranking out. Above is a job I just did for Trader Monthly. They do a cool back page parody thing, which did actually do a pretty good job with. I was asked to do CEOs as superheros (and of course, superheros are on everyone's minds this summer with Ironman, Batman and Superman coming soon. Plus CEOs love being portrayed as celebrities.). Anyway, the point is I was given two weeks to complete this but if I'm going to realistically make a living doing this (freelancing on my own) I need to impose my own deadline based on how much I was getting paid. I was also juggling multiple writing assignments, working on my next book, a handful of other illustration jobs, my usual 10 cartoon submissions (every week) to The New Yorker and the below painting (which is half way done).

I'm not trying to impress. Just sharing a reminder to invest only as much time on a job as it deserves. Besides, this is common workload for the better known freelancers (and the above job is nothing to write home about – as I said, it was a rush job). But this is the number one reason I see many other freelancers not breaking in, because they're not producing fast enough. There is no time to noodle or tackle writer's block. My friend Lenore Skenazy is a humor columnist for the New York Sun who comes up with new ideas, non-stop, starting and finishing them in the same day (and her articles are hysterical). To further illustrate, this piece here she wrote in one day. That's where the bar is and believe me, neither of us are rolling in dough.

One exception of my "time-based-on-pay" rule (like I made it up. That's just it. The whole world, except us, freelancers, is using this business model. So why do we ignore it?) is the painting below for a charity group, The Lacawac Sanctuary (wonderful people but just a very difficult task to paint 30 or so animals – they don't sit still). I'm more than half way done with the 3 feet museum mural and let it be said here it will be my last illustration as I will probably kill myself when it's done.

Here's a close-up. And here's hoping we all get our ducks in a row.

What Color Is Your Parachute?!? How 'bout – My Parachute Didn't Even Open!!!

2008-07-19T10:50:00.007-05:00

Remember that book, What Color Is Your Parachute? Actually, it never went away. The best-selling career book of all time is still coming out with new editions, hand-holding newbies in the job market, helping them decide what vocations best suits them. But I'm not sure anyone in this economy has the luxury of 'finding themselves'...or maybe that's exactly the wrong attitude. Maybe it is time to experiment in the same way an argument can be made that the only chance for the survival of publications is for them to expand off of loans, doing the opposite of the logical, a la George Costanza, and take a chance by improving their product to create some separation from what one can find on the web. (Traditional newspapers must demonstrate that web new sources can't keep up.)

Speaking to struggling freelancers, of course the first step is to arm yourself with all the news in your field. This is not an obvious comment – I, myself, for years cruised in auto-pilot as a freelancer not getting caught up in every development or even feeling compelled to. But's it's kinda all hands on deck right now. Many or most of the readers of Freelancer's Lament rely on publications as one of their main sources of income and one of the best and latest article on the subject comes from The Nation by Eric Alterman. The comments also, to a lesser extent, provide some insight.

Before continuing with more productive dialogue on the subject, I ask you to please participate in the Freelancer's Lament polls on the right.

Return From Brimfield

2008-07-12T21:28:00.011-05:00

LAKE WALLENPAUPACK, PENNSYLVANIA – Back home the finds of the week have already found a home. (Above birdhouse. Asking $12, talked down to $10.)

2) Bottle-opener. Asked for $25, got for $20. Tammy said face really scared her and would not allow to put in kitchen. Buried now in basement. (Those are crate labels Modge-podged to the steps going down.)

3) Bucket for $5 – not even worth mentioning. Oops, just did. (Cool squirrel, right?)

4) Have no idea why I bought this green piece of wood. $20 down the drain. It was the drain floor to a row boat. Couldn't find a better place to put it so I nailed it to the side of the garage for reasons even I don't understand.

5) As if my office wasn't pretentious enough, I got those two black gauges. "Sorry, I have no need for a Volt-meter...$20, sorry, no...$15? What part of 'I don't know what a volt meter is' don't you understand?...$10...um, no, no, thanks...$5?! OK!" Never before has an office had so much work done to it and so little work done in it.

6 & 7) Guy wanted $40 for the pair of cast iron pieces. On the right is a match stick holder (one container for new, one for used matches). He said the snowman was one of a kind. When I returned the next day there was an identical one in the same place (I paid $5 and he was asking for $15 from passerbys.).

8) $20 for the pie case. Good illustration of my gullibility. Guy at outside flea market promised I'd see many inside Brimfield for double the price. Never saw another, not even sure this is a pie case.

9) Tammy got this set for $70 and I believe it involved some monkey business as she thought she was getting quotes for pairs of pins. She said she needed them for an "art project." And I needed that funnel cake for political reasons.

Speaking of half-truths, one piece of crap that didn't make it on the trip home was a painting supposedly "owned by Charlie Sheen" and "thrown out of his home on the objections of his then wife, Denise Richards." I wanted to buy it if the guy could find a bag to carry it in as I didn't want to be seen with it. But the guy wouldn't go lower then $50 while Tammy threatened divorce. It was a large acrylic painting of the American flag. The lines and edges were all crooked. In the foreground was a naked woman with spiked hair and huge Tome Rider like body proportions placing her hands together in prayer. I will never own the world's most beautiful painting in my life...but this was my chance to own the ugliest.

Finds From Brimfield

2008-07-12T20:53:00.011-05:00

BRIMFIELD, MASS. – Here are a couple of paper goods followed by three sets of teeth I purchased here at the flea market capital of the world (click on images to see larger size);

Gotham.

This was the size of a match book.

Working out with oars.

The Monster Lady of Crinoline at Turin from Harper's Weekly, April 3, 1858. My wife, renown book artist, Tamar Stone works with crinoline in some of her art projects (Her work is in The Fun & Games (and Such) at the Center for Book Arts until Sept. 13th and will have a major exhibit at Ursinus College in Collegeville, Pennsylvania in September.

Real teeth, real value.

More tomorrow. Will they be more exciting? No, I can't make any promises.

Brimfield Day 1

2008-07-12T10:03:00.005-05:00

BRIMFIELD, MASS. – Spending the week at the famous yard sale here at Brimfield. At the cast iron booth I saw some nice knockers and bottle openers. I'll post pictures tomorrow. Having a great time but can't help think this is where I will wound up up some day...selling all my possessions after crashing and burning on the freelance highway.

Random notes; Was invited to return in September (the 3rd leg) to sign (History of the Snowman) books...Had dinner with Antique Roadshow's Gary Sohmer and his very nice lady Rita...Just ran into Parker Posey...Was a guest today on WCAP. Introduced as a big name cartoonist. Really. Didn't have enough airtime to correct this error. I was asked what I was looking for in Brimfield. I replied, "A clean bathroom."

Golf For Women; Dead

2008-07-08T08:30:00.004-05:00

Sadly, one of my regular clients, Golf For Women, just stopped publication. Great magazine and some of my friends worked there. The obituary here.

Yesterday I did my regular golf piece for The New York Times. Click link to see rest of the above illustration and the funny story, Healthy Eating Helps to Get the Bogeys Out of a Golfing Diet that goes with it.

Bozo; Dead

2008-07-03T19:43:00.007-05:00

LOS ANGELES – Bozo the Clown (Larry Harmon), who delighted children for more than a half-century, dead at 83. "I felt if I could plant my size 83AAA shoes on this planet, people would never be able to forget those footprints," he said (before he died). Mr. Harmon had licensed and trained more than 200 Bozos.

Meanwhile, I have been spending literally dozens of hours straight the past few days revisiting comic George Carlin's amazing archive of work...from his last show on HBO to his albums around 40 years ago. A hero of mine, I have tried to learn to be funnier from him.

Hire Yourself

2008-07-03T08:03:00.007-05:00

Waiting for the phone to ring? Wait no more. There's an interesting piece in Folio.com today by Dylan Stableford (which is featured on Media Bistro), explaining an exciting new development in publishing where anyone will soon be able to publish their own magazine. Of course, this way you can hire yourself till your heart's content! Freelance writing jobs at will, illustration & photo assignments pouring in...

I'm toying with some titles myself...um, Popular Maniacs (features on stars like Kramer, Mel Gibson, etc) and Broken Homes & Gardens (covering Christie Brinkley and other celebrity divorces), and Travel & Occupation (the first magazine just for American wars).

My own version of Star published from my basement (and reporting with a shoe string budget).

Folio magazine just asked media-types for mid-year media predictions. I suggested the following based on my observation that the magazine has become a toy for seniors, going the way of the phonograph. "As magazines have officially become leisure items for seniors (eg. most healthy magazines have been AARP, Reader's Digest, Modern Maturity, Playboy, etc.), TV will follow suit and expect to see more shows for seniors this upcoming season;"

For more cartoons done by me visit Ducts.org. Please leave a comment (positive or negative) – THANKS!

New Yorker Great Bruce McCall in Great Werner Herzog Movie

2008-06-24T21:21:00.003-05:00

From the movie Encounters at the End of the World

Because I've been going through serious snowman-making withdrawal, I went to see Werner Herzog's brilliant and surprisingly hilarious snow movie, Encounters at the End of the World. To my surprise, the movie included a bizarre funny painting of a chimp riding a goat into the sunset by my favorite illustrator of all time, New Yorker artist Bruce McCall. The movie is being holdover in Manhattan and details can be found here.

Meet Evan Forsch, Cartoonist and Freelancing Extraordinaire

2008-06-21T15:50:00.006-05:00

2008 © Evan Forsch

I meet Evan through the usual Tuesday lunches of the New Yorker cartoonists. An upcoming star who just sold his first cartoons to the New Yorker, he's smack in the middle of his ascent and struggle to make cartooning his livelihood. When I or anyone else interviews someone it's because, bluntly, they have name recognition and others want to learn how they succeeded. But hearing the same old "follow your dream" routine is easier said from the top of the mountain. Far more interesting is hearing the stories from the trenches from someone who has no idea of the future. Evan also just came out with a modest self-published collection of his cartoons in a book called Don't Brag About your Nuts which can be purchased through his website.

Freelancer's Lament: Evan, where are you from and when did you get started in art?
Evan Forsch: I was born in NYC, then kidnapped by a tribe of Suburbanites who raised me as one of their own in New Jersey. I was a sickly child so they encouraged me to paint and draw -anything to keep me away from the more robust children they'd kidnapped.

FL: How long have you been cartooning? How long have you been trying to get into the New Yorker?
EF: I've been cartooning on and off since high school which was more than twenty years ago. I've been submitting toons to The New Yorker for almost five years

FL: What is the biggest misconception about trying to be a New Yorker cartoonist?
EF: The misconception is that becoming a New Yorker cartoonist is a struggle. It's really very easy. All you have to do is learn the secret handshake.

FL: Freelancing is so difficult and as educated freelancers know, the publishing field in all it's aspects is only getting tougher. What deadlines and ultimatums have you (or maybe your wife) given yourself to "making it"? Getting in once a month? Are there any?
EF: What are you trying to say about my wife? But enough about her. I'm actually very, very fortunate that my wife, Lauren, encourages me to do the work I love. She's pretty creative herself and unlike me, is fantastic at being a business type person. We have no concrete goals, like I must be in The New Yorker once a month (that's right. I'm talkin' to you Tammy). It's all about building the creative brand that is "Evan4sh." Every year the income goes up a bit, more and more people visit the website and buy stuff or hire me in some creative capacity–cartooning, caricaturizing, illustrationing...

FL: Could you please describe how difficult it is to make a living in cartooning?
EF: Have you ever read one of those books where magic is disappearing from the world and there's only a handful of folks left who can save it? Me neither, but from my experience being a cartoonist is a little like that. We're a dying breed. Wait, what was the question?

FL: Were you aware of how difficult it was going to be going in?
EF: I never thought it would be easy but I must confess, I daydream about lucrative book deals and wealthy art patrons. Cartooning, drawing, etc. is all I can do. I really don't have a choice. Even if it comes down to (going back to) working in a bookstore or becoming a civil servant of some sort to pay the rent, I need to draw. I can only hope the fact that it's not easy will deter those who don't love it as much as I do and provide more work for me!

FL: Everyone loves to ask cartoonists where do you get your ideas...I'll spare you...but please share what is a typical day. What proportion of your work week is being creative to marketing? Do you have help with either aspect from anyone?
EF: I love to talk about the creative process but I'll spare you! I can't imagine doing any other job. I'm amazed at what other professionals do. I was talking to an accountant the other day and said, "Wow! You put all those stats into a spreadsheet? I would never think of making a spreadsheet."

I don't really have a typical week because the jobs and deadlines I have can vary greatly. I have two kinds of work - stuff I get paid for and stuff I hope I'll get paid for. It's the paying work that dictates my schedule. I do the cartoons and illustrations that help pay the rent and the bar tab then, whatever time is left over goes to the cartoons and illustrations I submit to folks like the New Yorker who may or may not pay. Usually not. All of that creative stuff takes up most of my time but there has to be some marketing if you don't want the work to stop coming in. Fortunately I married a very foxy lady who happens to be good at promoting her husband. I could probably give you a 'How many hours a week - creative work/marketing ratio' if I knew how to make a spread sheet.

FL: My biggest distraction is the refrigerator. How disciplined are you and what is the worst part of being your own boss?
EF: Man, you must have one sexy refrigerator. What I lack in discipline I make up for in panicky, last minute creative bursts that get the jobs done! The worst part of being my own boss is having no one to blame if I don't get a raise.

FL: Do you regret taking this path of vocation?
EF: No. Honestly, I regret not taking it sooner than I did.

FL: Who's your favorite cartoonist?
EF: I'd love to spend a day or two making a list, complete with links to share with you but Lauren wouldn't let me spend that much time on a non-paying gig. Instead, I'll tell you my earliest influences were the Peanuts strip and old Warner Bros. cartoons.

FL: What was the best advice anyone has ever given you?
EF: My freshman drawing professor at Pratt (Institute) used to say, "Who told you to draw what you see" This blew my mind. The idea that when you're drawing you're designing the page. You're creating stuff that may or may not be what's in front of you. Sketching a bowl of fruit or a naked lady holding a bowl of fruit, you try really hard to capture shapes and shadows, colors, textures. That's all important stuff but it's all about designing the page.

FL: OK, time for your plug. I actually have an ongoing war against the squirrels attacking my bird feeders. Your new cartoon book, "Don't Brag About your Nuts" is all squirrel cartoons. Please give us the back-story and tell us at what point did you regret doing an all squirrel cartoon book?
EF: Aw, Bob, you shouldn't fight with the squirrels. Squirrels are our friends and they're really quite delicious. The back story on "Don't Brag About Your Nuts!" is deeply personal but I'll tell you. When I decided to do a cartoon book, I went through all my cartoons to pick the best ones. A theme emerged among many of my best cartoons but I knew that Sam Gross already did a book of Swastika cartoons so, I went with the next thing that a lot of my cartoons had in common and that was animals. I think eight of the toons are squirrels and the rest an assortment of other animals.

FL: Finally, what is your take on cartooning's future?
EF: 99% of my cartoons are made to appear in print. Print is not dead but it is terminal. I love books and all kinds of ephemera but reading stuff on paper will soon be a thing of the past. Seriously. I give books and magazines fifteen years, twenty tops, before they're all replaced by digital media. This is bad news for the kind of cartoons I create. I think, at least within my lifetime, interest in non-animated cartoons won't completely vanish but as print disappears so will the single panel gags. In fact, cartoons have been disappearing from newspapers and magazines for years. Cartoons seem to be the canary in the print coal mine.

FL: Thanks, Evan, for your time.

Bidding Has Ended

2008-06-12T16:41:00.002-05:00

For those following the Steampunk monitor on ebay the final winning bid was $2,850.

Apologies to those visiting Freelancer's Lament and expecting some action. I've been dodging distractions leaving behind emails, blogs and cellphones and hiding out in the lemon tree garden in the far end of the Cloisters in Manhattan to write my next book.

Your Chance Has Arrived!

2008-06-03T09:23:00.003-05:00

This beautiful Steampunk LCD is available now on ebay (bidding is at $1,500 at presstime). Built by the aforementioned Richard Nagy.

Here's a link showing you how to build your own Steampunk monitor.

Follow-up; Office Finished

2008-05-27T09:39:00.006-05:00

OK, it's now done now that I put in the new sound system seen here (the big black cone). As they say, "Now we're cooking with gas."

Where the Magic Is Supposed To Happen: Great Workspaces

2008-05-14T12:58:00.059-05:00

The Steampunk movement, a subgenre of cyberpunk using time-travel design, is finally getting it's due (recent Times article). Above is a workable PC, the handiwork of very talented tinkerer, Richard R. Nagy. The old book in the top photo is actually a scanner. Below is a computer refitted by steampunk artist and genius, Jake von Slatt.

A piece found on a Japanese blog.

Below are more pieces made by Richard R. Nagy a.k.a. Datamancer.net (and what the DIY show Junky to Funky should be like).

First up is a laptop, followed by the laptop opened. Then a desktop scanner disguised as an old book. That is followed by the custom keyboards Datamancer makes (and sells for in the ballpark of $800).

Note the laptop turns on with a turn key.

And here is my computer (below). The computer is an intel iMac hooked set-up as a double monitor and Wacom pad (which I draw on - I'm pretty much paperless). I pin-hole drilled in the casing for my video conferencing. Most of the items in the room were found or bought at local auction. The scanner/copier is on the left and hides behind old wood (hot-glued, of course. That's an Ivory whale box on top along with an old globe I found for a dime.). That's a tape-measure clock bottom right.

By no means does it compare with their stuff – it's oranges and rotten apples. I had done this before I realized this was a "movement" and as fancy as their work is, mine is the opposite aesthetically, theirs fancy and beautiful, mine, well, not – if their computers smelled like Victorian perfume, mine would smell like low–tide. If I had I seen their work first it would probably have discouraged my silly aspirations for revamping my office at all. That said, there is no place in the world I would rather work than my tiny converted attic-space office in Northeastern Pennsylvania. I was inspired to write about it because I had recently read that one of my all-time favorite cartoonists, Michael Maslin, works in a ridiculously small space that used to be a laundry closet or something. His surface workspace is like two feet wide. There's something very cool about that. I thought I was alone in working in what many would consider a closet (it was like learning there are also those trying to grow moss lawns like I am).

My workspace was designed to look like it does because my next book is a ship journal (about 19th century arctic exploration). (At National Lampoon, one of the editors turned his office into a jungle. Thomas "She Blinded Me With Science" Dolby just bought a leaky ship on ebay to prop on land and turn into a studio. I now see Dolby wasn't the only one transforming computers to refit hi-tech stuff (his onstage set includes music boards refitted into marine equipment) and I'm not the only person combing Brimfield for submarine gauges.)

My office requires you crouching, if you're taller than 5'8", through a trap door that springs open with a button to enter the upstairs and then through a door with a real porthole. The room is too small for air conditioning to work properly – a ceiling fan concealed behind a map and two USB computer fans keep me alive (a trap door behind the bed opens a storage space that stores a swamp-cooler if it still gets too hot. The computer also has an USB vacuum and cup warmer).

There is an incredible sound system in the room which is Airported to the rest of house so everyone is forced to listen to gay British '80s music much of the day. The floors have that oily finish of a ship by using oil varnish over a water base stain (rope fills the gaps between planks). I wainscoted the ceilings the painstaking old fashioned way, single pieces (otherwise it looks too new). We just put in a bathroom next door pictured here as it's unusual. The contractors hired to build it and a dormer walked off having had enough of our eccentric requests (in our defense, they were total dirtbags. Each was in trouble with the law and/or IRS in some way we learned). I finished the electrical and plumbing myself so I could put in things like a vintage sink and ceramic switch and lantern. They wanted to deal only with Home Depot products.

The day bed was made from an old bookcase and the rug in front was hooked by my wife (it's not too often you see bloody seascape in a hook rug!). Aside from that (in case she reads this blog), my prize procession in the room is a 1685 map engraving of a battle scene at Ascension Island and a Hudson River oil painting of what looks like penguins jumping into crashing waves, the most beautiful painting I've ever seen (and I'm a museum rat). Cost a quarter with it's gold-leaf frame – the painting had a rip lengthwise that I gessoed together from the back and painted in the missing strip. Sorry, I can bore people about the room for hours – there's the lawn bowls from Sidney...a 1893 print of Sherlock Holme's death in the "Final Solution"...blah, blah, blah...OK, thanks for getting this far.

The container on the left and the wall cup holder underneath the window on left are some of the items in room I made in wood-shop...over thirty years ago. See, I couldn't stop talking...

More Legal Stuff

2008-05-14T11:54:00.003-05:00

For those who can't get enough litigation, over at Today's Snowman, my other blog, I've posted someone's ridiculous patent for making a snowman.

Freelancers Unite, Again

2008-05-10T09:02:00.002-05:00

All freelancers should be aware of a bill which was just approved by House Subcommittee called Orphan Works which will affect the ownership of our art. This includes filmmakers, photographers, musicians and graphic artists. Here's a link which discusses some of the more sensational opinions circulating the web. I have no personal connection with these people and please make your own conclusions.

I will say the bill worsens our position to protecting our work but to what extent is up to debate and the way things are now our work isn't fully protected (I'm currently paying lawyers now who explain being totally in the right cannot make people pay you what they owe and seems to happen to everyone – just reading how Devo is in the courts for all the commercials they lent their music to but never got paid.).

That said, I'm spreading the word on the subject and after learning the facts, if you wish, a friend emailed me a link which allows you to voice your opinion against the current Orphan Works. It took me only seconds to say I oppose this bill.

Freelancers of the World Unite

2008-05-02T22:28:00.004-05:00

When one is a freelancer he or she will undoubtedly experience more than their share of career crossroads. I'm at one myself as the realities of making ends meet as a cartoonist are forcing me to explore some options, although I better do it quick. The past few weeks I've been busy 1) drafting a possible children's version of the snowman book. 2) working on a snowman calendar 3) starting up again a project I began 7 years, a graphic novel comedy on 19th arctic exploration and 4) working on a script for a film studio interested in pitching a snowman special to cable. It goes without saying, all of these ventures are on spec. Meantime, I'm illustrating (my work can be seen in this month's Consumer Reports, Money Adviser and this Monday's sports section in the NY Times) and trying, unsuccessfully, to sell cartoons to the New Yorker (I'm in this month's Prospect – the second cartoon on the site).

Special thanks to fellow freelancer and talented writer Mary "PaperGirl" Fons for writing up the snowman for a few publications and mentioning my book.

My brush with fame moment of the week; A couple of days ago I met renown chef Gordon Ramsay at his book signing in Manhattan. I'm a huge fan (of his BBC shows, not the cheesy American reality shows) and I gave him my book. The hothead TV star was extremely nice, taking the time to chat with me.

Bear in Mind...

2008-04-21T10:02:00.001-05:00

Thanks to friend of a friend, I received this amazing image of a Frank Verbeck illustration of bears making a snowman courtesy of Fred Taraba of Taraba Illustration Art, LLC. I am grateful to Fred for sending this piece (sold years ago by The Illustration House). Fred's collection of fine illustrations include all the artists who persuaded me when I was a kid into the field of illustration...Bob Peak, Bernie Fuchs, etc...and Taraba Illustration sells their originals to the public. Frank Verbeck (1858-1933) was known for themes with bears. Below is my two cents (a cartoon I pitched to The New Yorker) and maybe the start of my own bear period.

At the New Yorker

2008-04-08T19:36:00.005-05:00

This morning my wife Tammy tried, with subtlety, to convince me not to go in the New Yorker today with the cartoons I just showed her. I worked all night long drawing them, 10 cartoons from a list of about 20 punch-lines I had previously thought up during the week. Some of the jokes like "Costume Designer's Cut" with a movie poster for Die Hard With Petticoats above went over like lead weight. She was just trying to protect me from what she saw was an obviously crash-and-burn scenario.

By the time I got the offices I convinced myself only to show the three I was confidant about ("What Jesus Would Have Done," "Quasimodo's Thought Process" while playing tennis, and a third equally funny (unfunny?) one I can't remember). The first person I ran into was cartoonist Sam Gross who asked to take a look (this would be reason alone to get there early in hopes of running into him for feedback - no one is better). I told me not to show "What Jesus Would Have Done" with the large banana being helicoptered to King Kong – "It's makes no sense...what does Christ have to do with the big monkey?" Well, not much. So I took it out, but realized I couldn't walk in with only three or four cartoons (you're supposed to have ten) so I went in with nine. Bob Mankoff had a long talk with me and said he felt the cartoons looked good and kept all but the aforementioned three I was going to initially show. Go figure.

We traded books and signed each others and now I wait for a phone call that they'll buy one of them hopefully.

Media Day

2008-04-04T12:10:00.007-05:00

The first item on board is book artist/wife Tamar Stone who has a small review in today's NY Times which is appearing in the NY Antiquarian Book show this weekend. She's a very talented artist who tells stories sewing words into fabric using beds, corsets and other unconventional materials. I'm currently negotiating with her for permission to buy a large HDTV.

Also in the news is Lenore Skenazy, NY Sun columnist, friend, fellow comedian and lately, media star, appearing on The Today Show, Brian Lehrer Show, and Parking With the Stars after running a piece about her letting her 9-year-old son take the subway alone. Click on both videos at that site – each are funny in their own way. It should be pointed before you pass judgment, that 9-year-old Izzy Skenazy is smarter than most children. He's currently building his own twin engine light aircraft to fly to Prague.

Illustration Show Not to Be Missed

2008-04-03T23:04:00.002-05:00

Bruce McCall copyright © 2008

I just attended the opening reception for Bruce McCall's show at the James Goodman Gallery in New York City, a wonderful collection of paintings by, what I consider, one of this generations most important illustrators (incidentally, I consider Mr. McCall responsible for my start at the New Yorker due to a letter of encouragement he wrote me). A nice evening topped by meeting another hero of mine, cartoonist Roz Chast, who was extremely nice.

This is a must-see for any freelance illustrator wanting to one day make his mark. The show is open until April 21. Click above for where and when.

The Founding Father of Freelance Fodder

2008-03-31T21:58:00.002-05:00

Welcome back to Freelancer's Lament and the first official post in 2008! Great.

Not much has happened since Freelancer's Lament was in it's prime; got pneumonia, went to LA to schmooze with potential TV producers, got nowhere, and here I am. All I have to share with you now is the following was my April Fool's Day prank. Well, I want to start again by asking who you are out there so if you are here, speak up. What's your story? Freelancer? A lamenter?

Thanks and welcome back.

Spring is Back And So is Freelancer's Lament!

2008-03-22T11:05:00.007-05:00

Starting April's Fool Day, Freelancer's Lament will publishing again (once a week), this time around focusing on my full-out attempt to getting published in The New Yorker. I've been away publishing the very popular online magazine Today's Snowman but the snow is melting and newspapers & publications are going through the worst time in ages...if you're a freelancer it's time to be angry again. Annoying ramblings, rejected cartoons, disjointed pronouncements will be par for the day. As that fatter Bob says, welcome home, again.

(The top image from Harper's Weekly is from my private collection and is the first example of a snowman in a newspaper (1868). More can be learned in The History of the Snowman.

God, It's Hard To Make a Living As a Snowman Expert

2007-10-24T21:03:00.000-05:00

OK, so the checks aren't rolling in as fast as I thought they might. It's going to take the public some time to see the role of a snowman expert within the context of the commerce world. It'll happen.

So, never one to sit around waiting for the electricity to turn off, I have taken a part-time job. Above you can see my co-worker Irene at Gate 218 at Giants Stadium. I work the microwave. I sought employment which would utilize two of my distinct skills. 1) My ability to know exactly how long to microwave any food by just looking at it. This gift I have for being able to determine how long any food product should be nuked before it turns rubber goes back years and I've used it onLy for recreational purposes.

And 2) my great loyality towards the New York football Giants. I have not missed a game since 1968. It seemed logical that I go after a job within Giants Stadium and getting a job at a food concession stand proved easier than one would expect.

What I didn't think through was the fact that although I was never closer to my beloved team, I wasn't able to watch the game while working. I had to ask everyone buying food how the Giants were doing. Ironically, I missed my first game in almost 40 years. To make matters worse I learned that I cannot collect unemployment because I only worked 4 hrs.

Jessica Seinfeld, Lance Bass, Kaavya Viswanathan, James Frey

2007-10-24T20:28:00.000-05:00

What do those people have in common? Not much.

Except they are all famous, wealthy and cute as a button and each have a book which brought them much attention and scrutiny. Mrs. Jerry Seinfeld’s Deceptive Cooking at the top of the best-seller list for hiding, among other things, pureed vegetables in junk food. Kaavya shared the same agent as Seinfeld. Frey and Seinfeld's common tread is that their respective Oprah appearance sent their books instantly to number one.

Meanwhile Lance Bass, formerly of NSYNCSRYS, just came out, literally, with his new book called I’m Coming Out or something like that. My connection to Mr. Bass, aside from the fact neither of our books has been mentioned on Oprah, yet, is that my book shares the same publisher and stuff (last night was his book party attended by the same people working on my book and Michael Musto, who I used to share a cubicle with at The Village Voice. We hated each other and he made the news for his lewd behavior at the party.)

I doubt if Lance Bass has to worry about window displays. Last night I was in my basement making Styrofoam snowman mobiles. I’m sorry but that doesn’t sell books. I put up a video on YouTube that has 16 views so far. Pretty boy Lance was on Tyra Banks, The View, Dateline and a dozen other shows venting about being gay in a boy band. His book is currently ranked at #126. Mine is at #685,785. Granted his book has been in stores a full week ahead of mine but someone, whether it's me or the snowman, is going to have to come out of the closet. I explained to my agent and publisher Simon & Schuster today that if that’s what it takes to get some notice, some airtime, I’m willing to give this sexual orientation thing a crack and go the extra yard. I’m already pretty disoriented in the bedroom. I’ll do anything the publisher and my publicist wants me to try.

Anything short of starting a boy band.

Soup Is Good Food

2007-10-14T08:35:00.000-05:00

freelance |ˈfrēˌlans| (also free-lance) adjective working for different companies at different times rather than being permanently employed by one company : I work freelance from home. In other words, I'm on the dole. ORIGIN early 19th cent.(denoting a medieval mercenary who works in under-wear): originally as two words.

An item ran in Gawker.com about freelancing which triggered interesting responses from readers. Brian Farnham, editor-in-chief of TimeOut, apologized to his freelancers for not having been paid and mentions he himself was once a freelancer so he understands. But he was smart enough to get out.

Many incorrectly commented one should get paid in 30 days but the industry standard is 90 days, at best, any freelancer will tell you. I just did a job for a magazine that was six months late paying me for the previous assignment even though I persisted nudging them. They asked me to do a job for them Friday but I declined. They insisted they would pay me up front, which to their credit they did. Meanwhile, TimeOut owes me for many, many old cartoons (one of the real reasons we parted ways – most whiny posts here are drama-queened up here to try to be funny. Some readers actually think I'm depressed over being a freelancer and have sent me words of encouragement but I'll assume most of you see I'm being sarcastic). TimeOut might not have paid me yet but Brian, the editor paid me a huge favor giving me a great quote for the cover of my snowman book. A lesson to those who deal with cheap clients. Many fellow freelancers tell me the satisfaction they get from telling off clients. You never realize how much you're burning a bridge and who knows who. There have been times when someone screwed me over and I kept my cool only to have the person make it it way down the road. In the meantime remember soup is good food...for all artists.

Snowman Interview

2007-10-12T10:49:00.000-05:00

The following is an interview I did for Advance magazine, the largest trade magazine for book buyers. I know, the questions are corn-ball. I did my best to turn them around.

ADVANCE Q&A with Bob Eckstein, author of The History of the Snowman; As a humor writer and cartoonist, where does your funny streak come from?

Bob Eckstein: Grandma was a real cut-up. But I’ve never thought of myself as having a “funny streak.” I’ve been cartooning and writing humor my whole life as my sole source of income and never had another job so I take a kind of workman’s approach to it. I see it as a skill learned and honed having done hundreds of pieces for dozens and dozens of places like Spy, National Lampoon, Playboy, GQ, etc. There’s nothing funny about trying to make a living being funny, let me tell you.

Everyone is always trying jokes on me or suggesting cartoon ideas for The New Yorker, but they are usually disappointed when I don’t reply with a belly laugh. Well, I’m like a doctor, a joke doctor if you will, and if you get naked in front of me I’m going to be very professional and not laugh.

ADVANCE: What sparked your interest in snowmen and sent you on your self-proclaimed “Holy Grail” search for the very first snowman?

BE: I’m a huge fan of Sherlock Holmes and I wanted to write a mystery. But I wasn’t interested in solving a murder mystery or writing fiction. I wanted my book to be funny and breezy yet really attempt to break new ground and solve one of life’s mysteries. The book could’ve been who invented love or who said the first joke—although two examples that actually might not have worked. Anyway, I remember walking into Barnes & Noble and imagining I was shopping for everyone I know and asking myself what book, not yet written, would that be. The History of the Snowman. Just like that.

It became clear, early on, when I considered a book on the snowman that I hit the lottery. Not only were there amazing skeletons in the snowman’s closet, but also I learned how thirsty people were for any new story or angle for the holidays. Everyone’s response upon hearing about my book was “What a great idea – why hasn’t anyone written this book before?” I liked the idea that this would be a holiday book that was non-denominational and I was providing a holiday reading choice that wasn’t a cookbook or for children only. It’s a book for all age groups and finally something for the college crowd as well as those who own a glue-gun. As far as holiday books go, The History of the Snowman is a very cool book.

ADVANCE: The History of the Snowman is not just pure entertainment (though it is entertaining)—you spent five years researching snowmen and traveling around the world to talk to historians. Will you tell us about your research, travels, and your most surprising discoveries?

BE: I did consciously make it entertaining and user-friendly. I had no interest in creating something academic where I would be speaking at institutes. And it could have easily gone that way—the first draft was scholarly and much longer but the last thing I wanted was to be the guy who took all the fun out of the snowman. I want to revitalize his image, give him his due…and add humor to history. I’m a gentleman scholar and I love history. And if I can do my small part making history more appealing…

I’m glad my wife convinced me I had to actually go to where historic snowmen once stood. I had no idea at the time that other wrinkles of the story would unfold. I had spoken to heads of departments and libraries who, they themselves, did not realize were sitting on crucial clues to the snowman’s past. It was something I had to go myself and see. An example would be my visit to The Royal Library at the Hague, which houses the largest collection of images in the world (at 8 million+). There I camped out with a magnifying glass and this very real competitive drive to find snowmen in far reaches of their archives (the search was narrowed to the 15,000 woodcuts, drawings, etchings, and paintings categorized as winterscapes.) At this point, the hunt for the first snowman was at its peak. It had become a real full-blown mystery with the clues scattered about in front of me waiting to be strung together. It was incredibly exciting time because even though I hadn’t completed the puzzle, I knew I had everything I needed like when you see the last pieces left to a jigsaw. I was aggressively chasing leads at a break-neck pace jumping on trains, hitchhiking, finding entries in diaries, discovering never before seen snowmen in engravings and tracking down experts hiding in different corners of the world…all very Da Vinci Codey.

My quest culminated with my face-to-face meeting in Amsterdam with a Professor Herman Pleij, a leading authority in medieval cultural studies. His De sneeuwpoppen van 1511 is the only book to tell the story of the Miracle of 1511, a Woodstock-like event in which after a famed snowstorm the whole town of Brussels celebrated by making pornographic and political snowmen. The deep secrets of the snowman were by this time uncovered but I wanted, with the help of my Dutch translator friend, to thank the professor in person for his integral role in solving the mystery. It was time to reflect on our five years of detective work, and like Holmes and Watson sipping cognac while summing up one of their cases, we basked in our findings, almost daring to think that what we had just accomplished may be a big deal and not go unnoticed. When we parted, the professor gave me his blessing and declared he was passing the torch of snowman expert to me.

ADVANCE: In one section of the book, subtitled “Snow Sells,” you write about how the snowman was an advertising darling of the 20th century. Why was he so appealing to Madison Avenue?

BE: Aside from religious figures, the snowman is one of the world’s most recognizable icons in the world and the advertising world has hadcarte blanche to do with him what they wish royalty-free. Easy to work with and pliable to any likeness it’s no wonder the snowman is the darling of Madison Avenue.

Of course there are also excruciatingly dull psychological reasons why he’s such a popular figure in the media. There’s the human connection we all feel in some way toward him, whether large or minuscule. Companies sought out pitchmen that the common man could relate with—friendly, plump, full of humor—the snowman fit the bill perfectly. The more he was used, the more identifiable he was. His popularity just snowballed.

ADVANCE: Not until finishing your book and seeing the snowman and his influences scattered throughout history did I realize his impact on art and culture. When you first began this project, did you have an idea of how vast the snowman’s mark was on world history?

BE: My initial research showed the snowman continually popping up at cultural benchmarks like Zelig or a frozen Forrest Gump. Quickly I discarded the kitsch snowman of present and realized what I was really on to was nothing less than one of the few activities we probably share with our ancestors and one of man’s oldest forms of folk-art. Every snowfall, every dumping of free art supplies pacified man’s urge to create an image of himself and traveling back in a time we see there was less and less forms of communication and recreation to compete with, making snowman-making only more and more popular the further back in time I looked. As my respect for this art form grew, so did my expectations to what I could find and I began searching deeper and more abstractly. By the end, nothing surprised me to how far reaching the snowman’s history was.

ADVANCE: You are an avid collector of snowman memorabilia, right? Can you tell us about some of your favorite finds?

BE: While my snowman collection (800+) does turn heads—it IS beautiful—it’s more about their historical place in telling the story of the snowman. When I was scouring flea markets and eBay for snowmen items, I was looking for artifacts, collecting clues like an archaeologist at an excavation site. I don’t have knitted snowman toilet seat covers or snowmen salt & pepper shakers everywhere in my house—but I could only because everyone keeps giving me anything with a snowman on it. Truth be told, I promised myself that once I finish having my collection viewed I would start eating the chocolate and marshmallow snowmen. There’s about 40.

But my favorite item from the collection is also the largest and most expensive—a graphic billboard ad for Austrian chocolate from the 1950s that’s exceptional. While many of my favorite items are in the book, most of my collection had to hit the cutting floor (including some of the most amazing examples of postcard illustration) and I’m hoping to one day put out a coffee-table book of the collection. But fear not, The History of the Snowman does include the stranger items from my collection including a photo of a little girls accosting a snowman with a rifle, a Charles Addams painting of a snowman stabbed by a broom and a disturbing picture of the snowman being run over by a car driven by Santa Claus.

ADVANCE: Do you recall building your first snowman? Do you still build snowmen when weather conditions are right?

BE: Ironically, no, but I do recall as a little boy painting hockey uniforms on plastic army men. I realize that’s not the answer one expects but it’s the truth. And I think it’s interesting that when I was very little I did these “political statements” and then I went on to do political cartoons in the ‘80s only to learn that in The Middle Ages the snowman was an early form of political cartooning. Since becoming a snowman expert I do make snowmen and I hope to make some more, à la Beatles, on bookstore rooftops. When my book was bought, I was to meet my new editor at an Indian restaurant in midtown Manhattan. It was a rather somber
establishment until I started erecting snow people outside. All of a sudden the owners of the restaurant came out and gave me food to create faces. When my new editor finally arrived and met me inside I asked him if he noticed anything coming in but said only that there was a large crowd outside the restaurant.

ADVANCE: What are your thoughts on how the global warming trend will affect the snowman?

BE: For better or worse, global warming has made the snowman more popular. Who paid attention to the duck-billed platypus before it became an endangered species? Would the snowman have ever appeared onYouTube in the recent presidential debates if it wasn’t for global warming?

As this problem continues, snowman awareness will only grow. The snowman will become a hugely popular, sympathetic figure and ultimately trigger what I call “panic snowman-making” as many will suffer a (real and misperceived) sense of loss. I, personally, harbor no fears of this being the snowman’s last lap. From what I understand, global warming creates a situation where temperatures will drop with the eventual interruption of the jet stream. No, the biggest threat to the snowman is our youth’s short attention span and increasing inactivity. It’s hard today to grab
anyone’s imagination with anything that requires any imagination. People are convinced that the only things worthwhile must cost an arm and a leg. Some people are probably waiting for Apple to come out with an iSnowman.

ADVANCE: Several of your snowman cartoons are in the book, so I’m guessing you also have a few snowman jokes stored away—will you share a favorite?

BE: Like, why did the snowman cross the road? Or the one about a priest, a penguin, a rabbi, and a snowman walk into a bar? Actually, I don’t know any snowman jokes. In my defense, would Albert Einstein ever be asked if he knew any relativity jokes? Would Shakespeare be asked to regale us with a dirty limerick?

ADVANCE: What’s next for you?

BE: Thanks to the feedback I’m getting, I’m considering a children’s book based on one of the stories in the snowman book. I’d like to return to doing cartoons for The New Yorker, The New York Times and other publications once things slow down. Meanwhile, my next book will be a graphic novel, a comedy based on the real story of how 17th century explorers searched for paradise near the North Pole.

ADVANCE: Anything else you’d like to add?

BE: If everyone of us went outside and just made one snowman each day, this whole place would look hilarious.

-END-

I Quit!

2007-10-08T08:28:00.000-05:00

The finish line is in sight. It's almost over. My five year plan to find another career, a more sane vacation, is coming to an end. I am a snowman expert because I went to Staples and purchased a packet ofcpre-cut inkjet business cards. According to that thinking I can also be a rodeo clown or doctor this morning. I print cards, therefore I am. So because the card says so, I 'm a snowman expert. Can't be any worse than being freelancer.

So this snowman expert thing...what exactly is it you may be asking? Well, on the plus side, it's a wide open field with very few competitors. Actually, none. On the negative, this is due to the fact that there is absolutely no money in snowman consulting or snowman repair (yes, it sounds alot like freelancing...I'm still owed $ from illustration freelance jobs I did in Jan.). But my business plan won't be tapping into those avenues of snowman expertise. My job will be first to heighten snowman awareness and then peddle snowman merchandise (calendars, T-shirts, toilet
seat cover cozies, car accessories...). My first step is to first establish myself as a snowman kook and speak out about snowmen. To that end, I booked some speaking engagements. So far Lacawac Sanctuary, Nov. 3rd, Livingston Manor, Nov. 24th, Everhart Museum sometime in Dec. along Barnes & Noble, Lincoln Center branch, Dec. 6th. These will be 40 min. talks done with Keynote set to music followed by a brief Q & A. Seeing this all in writing now...sure sounds like a bone-head plan.

Making Plans With Nigel

2007-10-02T08:30:00.000-05:00

My favorite radio station is Radio Nigel found in iTunes (under Radio). I listen to them everyday off of my computer (with Airport hooked up in my office to send the music wireless downstairs to Altec speakers I can put anywhere – they sound great and they are only 6 inches tall. Cost $35 after rebate.) Go to the section called 70s/80s Pop then scroll down to Radio Nigel. Here's just a sampling of what they were playing during the ten minutes I wrote this post;

06:31:49 Men At Work - Overkill
06:31:42 Bump G2 - Quite Enough ID
06:28:42 Generation X - One Hundred Punks
06:25:02 Gang Of Four - Is it love
06:21:19 Shriekback - Lined Up
06:21:08 Bump E3 - So Help You God
06:16:07 David Bowie - Cat People (Putting Out Fire with Gasoline)
06:08:18 U2 - Bad (live)
06:05:07 Public Image Ltd. - The Body
06:01:27 The Smiths - I Started Something I Couldn't Finish

What hooked me was their very funny spots (ads). I wrote them in San Diego and yesterday I got a call from Steve West, the Radio Nigel DJ. We discussed possible ads for my book and he agreed to do the voice overs, which was very nice. He explained that, like me, he missed the old radio stations like WLIR, WBRE and other Long Island stations of the 80s that played cutting edge college music. I went to high school in Long Island where I remember myself feeling like an outcast listening to the Dead Kennedys, The Split Enz, The Furs, X, Thomas Dolby while everyone else was into Billy Joel, Kansas and a bunch of embarrassing LI bands like Good Rats, Foghat and, ugh, I'm starting to get a headache...I don't know how I would have got through it without those stations (actually I didn't quite make it, starting art classes "early" in Manhattan at Pratt and Cooper instead of attending my senior year in H.S. I sat in on classes I wasn't registered for and then got early scholarships from them.).

Gotta run and write that copy for the Radio Nigel ad!

All You Can Eat

2007-09-27T08:46:00.000-05:00

I got a phone call from corporate yesterday and spent on hour talking about the future for The Old Country Buffet. Mr. Hendersen and I adressed alot of pressing issues facing the all-you-can-eat establishment and discussed the scathing comment card left behind by my wife in our last visit;

"Jeff, we're both men of the world and we both recgonize exactly what the problem is. You're understaffed and the dessert station at the Dickson City location looks like a war-zone...especially on Thursdays (family night)."

Breakfast was next on the agenda and I quickly realized that the bigwigs in corporate are as passionate about it as I am: "Mr. Eckstein, I fully agree. Why The Country Buffet took grits and biscuit gravy off their Sunday brunch menu is a total mystery."

"Asinine. It defeats the point that The Golden Corral, Big Buddy's Buffet and Martha's Big Meals and other second tier smorgasbords don't provide old traditional breakfast choices. Anyone can do soggy pancakes and a couple of greasy links. It's not just about eating in Biblical proportions–it's about opening eyes," I countered.

Jeff admitted it's all about education. My next book, "All You Can Eat; Getting Your Money's Worth Every Meal...Even If It Kills You," a non-fiction graphic novel well over 400 pages is a start. To their credit, The Country Buffet's section have put on their website, How To Buffet, a good primer for those who didn't know how to turn dinner into a spectacle (although no mention of my famous Catch n' Release sampling method which I teach at my workshops).

But we ended on a good note, both expressing our excitement about the premiere of Rancher's Select Steak next Spring and of course I was promised to be invovled in the upcoming symposium in Austin. There's alot of work still left for us but I'm confident we're on the same page and share the common goal. As I said, "It's not dinner unless it hurts."

Last Guy Standing

2007-09-21T06:49:00.000-05:00

Behind the infamous honeymoon haven Cove Haven, where they are currently taping The Last Comic Standing, is my neighborhood, a hotbed of exceptional tennis players including a cluster of Russian girls primed to turn pro. Meanwhile others are past their prime – yesterday I had a rematch with one of the best senior players in the country (he's won the silver in the World Senior Games a few times). I won't use his name but I'll share that he is 62 and in amazing shape. We played the best of 5 sets (I won 6-3, 6-2, 6-4) but he won the moral victory of being able to still breathe normally when we were done. There were some awkward moments in the middle of the third set during one of the change-overs when I needed some mouth-to-mouth.

After the match I picked his brain about his life and his game to learn how he looks ten years younger then me (I'm 44). We critiqued each other's game. We concluded I could be ranked #1 if I played in the 70+ division and I could probably look the part if I took up smoking. He was shocked I don't play everyday. He plays every day. His daily routine is to hit to gym and then walk (or run) 3 miles (each way) to the tennis courts where he drills from 9am to noon. Our match went from noon till 3 pm (He had been active many hours before he took the court against me. That morning I watched cartoons and went to the bathroom.)

He's on his way to Ottawa today as he continues traveling across the country by RV playing tournaments and eventually reaching Utah for the Nationals. In his RV was a computer for keeping track of his playing schedule and dozens of plastic bottles of supplements and powders. I explained my prematch meal was a pickled hot sausage and a glazed covered donut from the 7-11, one of which wrecked havoc with me later. Meanwhile he watches everything he eats – no sugar or bread. Eggs and oatmeal. Juicing and energy drinks. Fresh vegetables. This week I went to the All-You-Can-Eat twice, once almost dying.

Today I start afresh. For breakfast I had a half a cucumber and bowl of steam. Meanwhile, I wish my friend luck and look forward to his email updates. We will practice next summer again and I hope to reverse my shape by then...although it doesn't seem likely.

Happy Birthday Sophia Loren, Dr. Joyce Brothers and Jim Stone (Father-In-Law and Frequent House Guest)

2007-09-20T00:29:00.000-05:00

Important message to Jim Stone; Your daughter and son-in-law would like to wish you a Happy Birthday and are happy to announce we finally completed the construction of our new second bathroom and it is waiting for you to break it in and teach it who's boss. You're not going to find a more fun bathroom to go in...if your idea of fun is using a restroom that is only 33 inches wide, is at a total slant and when sitting on the bowl your feet dangle off the ground like you're in the high chair at IHOP (there's a dangerous step in front of the bowl).

Sorry I won't be in the NYC area to join you for your birthday dinner. I've been up at the house trying to finish construction on the house – the contractor walked off on us for not paying him in full before all the work was finished. Plus parts of the work had problems (the bathroom faucet dripped badly, the door wouldn't close, etc.) and I had to stay here and correct those problems before the inspection so I have to stay up here. It'll be a load of my mind when it's done. But it will be ready to go, if Jim Stone, you're ready to go.

Here's a picture of the final results.

"Your seat awaits!"

"All behind the comfort and
privacy of this glass bathroom door."

September 19th is International Talk Like A Pirate Day

2007-09-19T07:45:00.000-05:00

"Why is this day different from all others? Why do we need an International Talk Like a Pirate Day?" valid questions posed on The Original Talk Like A Pirate Day website. (yeah, I know, didn't we just celebrate this holiday?)

Now I could have written this all in pirate talk or come up with some lame jokes about this upstart holiday. I choose instead to just run the following photo from their website. No surprise; if you had to visualize the people behind International Talk Like A Pirate Day I think we would all agree it would be exactly these four people. Below is the actual caption.

"Cap'n Slappy an' Ol' Chumbucket are off to LA for TLAPD, while the wenches, Mad Sally and Jezebel, will be carryin' on the tradition (and just carryin' on) at home. Watch the site for our reports - and yours!"

Remember these other important dates;
Oct. 3rd is International Park Like A Pirate Day, Nov. 14th National Talk Like, You Know, An Illiterate Day and of course, December is Stop Paying Child Support Month

Meet Ray Lang - Another Person Who Is British

2007-09-16T22:09:00.000-05:00

Ray Lang is this really nice bloke I meet while working on my book. He's a talented painter from the UK whose above painting is featured in my snowman book. Yes, that's a painting of a snowman getting run over by a car driven by Santie Claus, in an all too common occurance during what I like to term as The Dean Martin Years. It was during this period in the late twenties and thirties that the snowman was on the receiving end of much abuse and would eventually turn to the bottle which lead to other things which I cannot get into here. I have full documention in the form of pictures and artwork to back this up, believe me.

Anyhoo, Ray is going to be rich and famous in a short time (well, I promised him fame & fortune if he appeared in my book). So, here's alittle fame in the meantime as I recommend to my bloggsters Christmas Magazine's interview of Ray Lang and his portfolio. (The Christmas Magazine is a fun online magazine for those who wish that everyday was December 25th. I think my head would explode if everyday was Christmas myself and I'm actually working on a cartoon about drugs one can take to get through the holidays.)

Next post we discuss Nigels in our continung focus on the Brits. I don't know what that means either - we'll have to wait and see!

A Friend In Need Is A Friend In Need of Some Monkey Bread

2007-09-12T14:06:00.000-05:00

You think you're having a bad day? I just got off the phone with a good friend of mine who is having a couple of bad-luck days. Not only is her home phone AND office phone been out of order but she just had her laptop stolen. So to cheer her up I present the following two (no-fail) items to turn around anyone's bad day; a visit to The Nietzsche Family Circus and freshly baked Monkey Bread. Hope this helps.

Your welcome. Hey, it's what I do.

US Open Wrap-Up

2007-09-10T17:56:00.000-05:00

This was the first year I did not attend the US. Open – as I mentioned before, I have not missed a single U.S. tennis championship in the past fifteen years. But it was clear that this was Roger Federer’s year. In October I’ll be beginning tennis lessons and we'll see what next year brings.

Meanwhile, my neighbor begun her pursuit of world tennis dominance. Ranked #1 in the world for 16 and under, she just returned from her run at the US Open. As the youngest player in the junior draw at 14, Stephanie Vidov made it through the qualifying round before losing to another Russian who was the tenth seed. I saw her this past weekend at our neighbor courts in Hamlin, Pennsylvania where her uncle/coach had her training again (last year he traded lessons with me for hitting with one of his proteges). I hadn't seen Stephanie, who has been playing across the world, in a year and it's shocking how much she blossomed into a beautiful athlete, growing to my height and looking like Anna Kornikova's lookalike. Nike has picked her up and has given her a free spin card in their stores to help herelf to everything.

This all got me inspired to immediately drive out to Long Island to begin tennis lessons with my 3 and 5 yr.old nephews. Not many balls were hit but racquets and tantrums were thrown. Never since Andre Agassi retired has there been so much crying on a tennis court.

Stand Up, Sit Down

2007-09-08T18:21:00.000-05:00

My short time on the open mic last night went well and I accomplished what I had hoped – I have taken a step toward getting over my stage fright. I got alot of laughs and compliments on my material and I will make more appearances.

On another note here is the next installment of short stories;

Slush Files; Part 3
Let’s Make This Happen

Dear Augustino Gnassingbe Eyadema,

I am so sorry it has taken this long for me to get back to you regarding your family’s loss and news of your government’s upheaval. I’m really bad with the email—ask anyone—but yes, I HAVE been getting all your emails and, of course, yes, I’m interested in helping you out. I should first tell you I’ve never helped release an inheritance before but my husband jokes I’m a fast learner. Unfortunately, Bernard will not be able to join us on the trip to your wonderful, topsy-turvy country as we’re adding a third bathroom for the girls so one of us has to stay here. But you will be meeting (drum roll!) Mr. Trousers, our Jack Russell terrier dynamo. So as you can see there’s a lot going on here, too. A busy month indeed!

Your e-mail’s instructions on how to transfer funds were a bit confusing so I’m going to have my bank contact yours. My girlfriend Debbie works there. She can provide you with that account information you requested, although I think your offer of $3.8 million is far too generous. We can talk about it after I get there. I think we should first iron out my travel arrangements as I’ve never been to Togo before (what a cute name for a country!). There are some things you’ll need to know about me beforehand. While I enjoy a good meal as much as the next person, I have been cursed with more than my share of food allergies. Please refrain from serving shellfish, coconut, strawberries, pork, night shade plants and anything containing yeast. Decaffeinated coffee is fine…if it’s fresh. Mr. Trousers is not as picky and will eat anything, including people-food. Like us, he has a three meal a day regimen.

I’m very anxious in learning more about your country and finding out if where I’ll be staying has a gym or pool. If you could e-mail me back the website of the hotel where I’ll be lodging at that would be tremendously helpful.

How long can I expect my visit to last? Right now I’m packing enough for a week with an extra bag for the millions of dollars, but let me know if there’s anything special I should pack. I’m currently shopping for an English to Togo translation book, some industrial-strength sun block—something at least 200 SPF as I’m very fair-skinned—and a very large hat. I hope it doesn’t present a problem getting through customs—the lotion or the hat. If your airport is anything like ours I may just have to get them at your duty-free shop. The last time I was at JFK mean security guards confiscated all my bottles of Mary Kay meant for my sister-in-law. Instead I had to stop off at Target and buy her a panini maker.

How is your toilet paper? I know it’s an awkward question but although Bernard and I have been doing our part being green and cutting back on our usage, as I have learned from our trip last year to Lake Como, I’m still not ready for European style toilet paper. Nothing fancy, mind you, one-ply is fine. Thank you. Now, is there anything I can bring back for you? I have the money orders you requested but I was thinking of something more personal I can give to your last surviving wife. My aunt hand-knits toaster cozies, those practical sweaters for kitchen appliances. If that doesn’t sound good I can get something else. Has your country ever heard of Tupperware?

No doubt ours will be a great adventure and I can’t wait to meet you. Words cannot express my excitement and the honor I feel that your royal family has chosen me, of all people, with such a responsibility. In a world with so much distrust and hatred, it is reassuring that people from opposite corners of the world can still be brought together in a common interest. Let it begin with us.

Best Wishes
Rebecca Chechesky

-END-

Thank You

2007-09-03T09:00:00.000-05:00

I want to thank everyone who wrote to me regarding getting let go at TimeOut. Thanks for your compliments and support!

The last 2 weeks+ a second bathroom and dormer has been under construction at my house (adjacent to my office/studio). Internet access (electricity and phone) have been off and on during this time so work and blogging were on hold. Thanks for revisiting.

TimeOut Gives Me a Timeout

2007-08-25T18:41:00.001-05:00

As of last week, I will no longer be doing The Talking Points cartoon for TimeOut magazine. For those who come here to get an earful of old-fashioned freelance lamenting, this post is for you.

I was fired after a new editor was hired for the section in which my column has been appearing the last few years. Since it was her first week I try to make it go smoothly by providing her more sketches/ideas than usual (3). Ideas have to get approved before they go to final and she approved the 4th (!) idea, the cartoon sketch seen in the previous post. But the night before deadline she asked me to come up with another new cartoon. By that time I simply didn’t have enough time to start and finish a new idea – I would have liked to help out but it takes me many hours when I know what the text is. Instead, a story went in place of my cartoon and when I contacted the new editor later she would only tell me the editor-in-chief would be getting in touch with me. He nicely explained that TimeOut would be like to try other cartoonists, adding that maybe I would appear again at a future time. I thanked him for giving me the opportunity for doing the cartoon in the first place (he “inherited” me from a different regime) and expressed my desire to return at a later time should things change (like that editor who got me fired moving on).

There lies the essence of a freelancer’s lament with all the insecurities and frustrations that come from this business; because you’re not there at the office, you really don’t now what’s going on, what people are thinking. Nor are you able to defend yourself. I'll never really know what explanation was given that I didn't have a cartoon for my editor. Like why we can’t put metal in a microwave – it will remain a mystery. Well, that's the joy of freelancing, there are other places to move on to to get fired from.

The Talking Points cartoon was a wonderful opportunity and, in it’s inception, was very creative and exciting. I know many enjoyed it as I received fan mail from all over and offers from agents and TV people. But in the last year most of the time my ideas were rejected and I frequently did editor’s ideas and asked to simplify the cartoon. Hopefully they will receive some feedback that I am missed and I get asked back.

For old time’s sake here are two appropriately themed cartoons from the past:

Illustrated Guide to Breaking Up in the 21st Century
Do you know what the problem with The Break-Up is? No, it’s not Jennifer Aniston. The problem is that the way they split up is so old-fashioned. Isn’t that what the Information Age is for—to make our interpersonal conflicts quicker, cleaner and more e-tastic? Here are some products for the new Apple MacBook we’d like to see that would offer the advantages of both distance and drama:

iPissed
Giving someone the heave-ho has never been easier. With this combination of Apple’s patentediSight and iChat AV technologies, you can dump anyone and have supportive pals close at hand, through a video conference call.

iHateYou
Intuitive iPhoto supported by X-Blocker remotely accesses your computer via cellphone, scrubbing your hard-drive of any images related to your ex. Perfect for when you break up on vacation and don’t want to come home to bad memories.

iSplit
Creates an obsessive library of DVDs, books, and personal items to sort, divide and fight over viaiSync and a special home page, thatglassismine.com.

iMovedOn
This easy Web-page setup lets you flaunt new liaisons using QuickieTime.

iDon’tCare
Smart e-mail with iGnore software automatically filters and responds to pathetic pleas to get back together.

Looks like I’ll be sending out this resume again.

Cartoon Killed

2007-08-17T20:35:00.001-05:00

This cartoon was to appear in TimeOut in a piece called Illustrated Guide to Summer Comebacks but was killed the last second for being crap. This is just a rough before I was to clean it up and color it. I will be talking to the staff to discuss whether I'll be staying on or moving on. More soon.